Though, arguably, if he agrees to pursue diagnosis/treatment (and, you know, does ) you're more along the facilitating that. He's a young enough guy that a certain amount of taking care of him while he's working on a diagnosis and sorting out medications and therapies and what steps to take next (small college? college at all?) doesn't seem beyond the pale.

And hopefully I won't seem completely contrary, but unless you think he's an addict (which you may well think and he may well be) I don't know if Al-Anon is the way to go. In my (admittedly limited and very negative) experience, the default explaination for everything is the person's addicition. You had a quarrel with a friend? Well, your son is an addict. You have trouble focusing on your work? Sons an addict. I found this tendency frequently unhelpful even when my loved one actually WAS an addict.

If you do get a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD, bi-polar, or something else a support group for those families would probably be tremendously helpful for all the reasons smonster states.

No one has overstepped. I really appreciate the objective opinions. It is difficult to look at it without emotion.

Though, arguably, if he agrees to pursue diagnosis/treatment (and, you know, does ) you're more along the facilitating that. He's a young enough guy that a certain amount of taking care of him while he's working on a diagnosis and sorting out medications and therapies and what steps to take next (small college? college at all?) doesn't seem beyond the pale.

I agree with Trudy on this.

Oh Laura, I wish I had something to say other than I feel for you. This is not your fault, but I can only imagine how agonizing it is watching B make choices that hurt all of you.

Much love to you.

I don't know what to say, because it can be hard to know where support ends, and attempting to...function for someone(whatever the underlying causes might be for being erratic) starts. I also feel a little bitter to this day that my stepmonster only read the *tough* part of the Toughlove articles, but hopefully you all have a deeper shared history than we had. And you're not a nutcase.

And you're not a nutcase.

Well, the jury is still out on that one.

Oh, Laura, that is so hard and it's painful for me to read as I was basically B at that age. I partied hard, failed/dropped out of college, and was pretty much going nowhere fast from about 20-23. My parents had paid for school and living expenses until I dropped out. Then they told me if I went back to school, they'd cover school expenses, but I had to cover my own rent, food, etc. Here are the two things that finally turned me around, and unfortunately they are not things you can force:

1.) I moved from San Diego to a smaller, less party friendly town (to live with my boyfriend at the time!), so I was out of my party girl environs and settled into a relationship.

2.) The first job I got in the town was with someone I went to high school with and she was an accountant who had graduated from USC. I was the receptionist. It didn't take me long to be all, "Huh. Look at how well Jen is doing over there! I don't think I really want to do this job for the rest of my life."

So I figured out what major I wanted (English - was Journalism), enrolled in classes at the local junior college and transferred as a Junior to a local state school. My parents kept their word and covered school tuition and books, but that was it. I had to (and did) find a job that worked with my school schedule and paid me enough (barely) to live. And I graduated in 2 years!

I guess that's a long way to say he is young and there is still hope. I think you're going to have to employ some tough love to get there, which sucks. Hugs from a reformed crazy party girl!

I just submitted an application to adopt this dog: [link] They say they'll take a few days to respond, so I guess now I wait.

Aw. She's like Darby, where video of her is video of walking-away-from-the-camera-that-is-not-helpful-dog.

Hil, she looks absolutely adorable.