She'd never talk to you again if you let her sister know you're honestly worried about her?

If I let her know why and things that were told to me in confidence? Quite possibly.

How much do you need/want this person in your life?

Honestly? I've tried to write her off before, but we have known each other for most of our lives at this point. We're more like sisters than friend, and I'm just not capable of writing her off completely. The other friend, P, that I mentioned above. That friendship also became sort one sided after a while, and T and I both sort of wrote her off, figuring she'd come back around when she wanted to. Only, she never did, and I really regret that decision now.

Breaking a confidence, yeah, that's a pretty friendship breaking move for me.

But I think you are friends to a degree with her sister? Contact her and say you can't get a hold of T, everything is okay, right? But that move only works if you can somewhat casually contact her. Facebook message maybe?

Honestly? I've tried to write her off before, but we have known each other for most of our lives at this point. We're more like sisters than friend, and I'm just not capable of writing her off completely.

Those friendships, even if they fade at times, do tend to bounce back as well. I know she's important to you.

Yeah, that's why the contract upfront. With my kids (obvs a different situation because professional) I tell them there are three reasons I'd be required to break confidentiality: if they tell me they've committed or are going to commit a crime, or if I'm worried about harm to themselves or harm to others. Everything outside of that has to be negotiated. "Okay, you're telling me something now that has me worried. I would like for you to give me permission to discuss this with (specific people) in (specific circumstances). If you're not comfortable with that, you may want to stop telling me right now, or we can work something else out that you'd be comfortable with."

With her, I think the next time you are talking, you might need to set something else like that up. "I know you have been talking to me in confidence, and I want to honor that confidence. But there are some circumstances where I would feel obligated to break that, and here is why." And then bring up what you want to establish for the future. "If I am worried about your safety and cannot get hold of you, here are the steps I would want us both to take."

Cass, yes I have known her sister most of my life as well, but we're not close. I'll keep contacting her in my back pocket if I have to. T just texted me back tonight, so there's that.

bonny, I'm sorry I didn't say so out loud, but it's good to see you posting here. You saw my little wave earlier, right? Yeah, that was me. Sorry for not actually saying hi. So rude.

Heh. I totally received your wave.

Goodness knows, I've been guilty of saying things outloud, in response to emails or posts, yet never actually typing them so that the intended recipient can, you know, 'hear' me.

I feel well hugged. Seriously.

I'm off to bed...hoping to not spend all night thinking about the doctor visit. Sweet dreams everyone.

Hugs to all who need them.

And Maria, I know that our birthday is going to be really hard for you. I just want you to say to everyone that it's really okay to just let the day go by this year. I know it would be weird to say HB to only one of us, and I also know that HB is the last thing you're going to want to hear. So anyone who wants to send me wishes can do so on FB or via email, and we can keep it like a normal day here.

Totally up to you, but I wanted to put it out there if it would help.

Maria, I'm thinking of you. One of the things I adore about you is that you allow yourself to be honest with yourself, even if it hurts, but I'm sorry it's causing you extra hurt right now.

Daniel, lots of Mom~ma headed out.

Thanks, Sail. I’m actually not too worried about that one, since it’s only 2 lines, and there’s other stuff going on with her that will probably be more salient

Oh! Thanks, Ginger.

Maria, I’ve not been commenting on your FB posts, but I am sitting over here vibing peace-ma to you. If there’s anything I can do to be helpful, I am happy to. For example, I have fantastic listening ears.

I went through a similar thing with my friend of more then 20 years, sj. She would call me out of the blue and FREAK out, and freak me out, and disengage with her support system, and stop taking her meds, and when she wanted to lash out, I was a handy target.

She's very lonely and I think that she gets angry that I got married and a couple of times she's said that we're too different or that I'm a shifty person or whatever. The first time she did it, I was devastated... but relieved not to be getting the two hour phone calls. She came back around after a while like nothing had happened, and I let her. I had known her tor more than half my life, and I loved her and I missed her.

The second time it happened, I was done.