If you were at one of the regular events and there was a rope technique or thing that you didn't want to try or tried and got uncomfortable and needed to stop they wouldn't heckle you for it, right?

Right. There's a weird-as-HELL separation between respecting consent (or lack thereof) when it comes to kinky stuff, versus the really REALLY no-boundaries touchy-feely attitude that prevails in social situations.

Plus I think there's somewhat of the attitude that because I'm a woman, I *must* be declining because I feel like I "should", but I secretly want to be talked into it. WHICH IS TOTALLY UNTRUE for me -- I don't play bullshit stupid coy games like that -- but I know it happens, quite a bit. So I can see how people might think I want to be talked into it -- except, hello, have they MET ME? EVER?

Anyway. It was fine, and I'm mostly fine with looking like a bitch and/or a prude for having different boundaries than everyone else. (It SUCKS that just because I am asserting my boundaries, because they happen to be different from someone else's, I look like a prude and a buzzkill. But whatever.)

Is there anyway you can bring this up to them - and ask why they can respect your boundaries with the kinky stuff but seem unable with the mundane? Or would that be too stressful?

I would have to have 30 different conversations (at a minimum) with 30 different people, or make a group announcement (which is humiliating and not going to happen), or e-mail everyone (which seems over the top).

So I just do my thing, and firmly say No to whatever it is, and say no again when I get pestered, and go on about my business. If someone persisted and actually physically got all up in my business (like the sneak attack shoulder rub, which I will punch someone in the junk for, I swear to God), then I would make my point very emphatically. By now, people ought to know I need my 50-foot personal bubble, and the people who can't be bothered to remember or to respect my refusal of groping can just deal with getting an earful from me. And possibly a cockpunch.

I did, and it was totally fine.

Yay!

Except for some party guests who noticed that I didn't sit on Santa's lap and kept heckling me to go do it

COAL IN THEIR STOCKINGS. Boo hiss on the panic attack, too, but I'm glad you got through it.

Connie, glad you had a good time and that the food was better.

This post is coming to you from the high seas! (Yarr.) The family Tea is currently on a cruise ship bound for New Zealand, where we have a little boy resisting his bedtime. (His mummy's lullaby is sending him into a fit of hysterical giggles.)

The Pirates Tea! Love it. I've never heard Ryan giggle, and yet I feel certain the sound would make an excellent ringtone.

Except for some party guests who noticed that I didn't sit on Santa's lap and kept heckling me to go do it

COAL IN THEIR STOCKINGS.

Tim was a champ, though, because he immediately pointed out that HE already sat on Santa's lap and took one for the team. (Which he did. Because he's hilarious like that.)

Way to have your own back, Steph...and having a cool partner does not hurt.

Speaking of not respecting boundaries, I just totally acted a jerk to a stranger.

I tried to help a young couple to keep from hurting a dog that does not belong to them because they just didn't know what they were doing. It went very badly.

I noticed an English Lab puppy standing with a gentleman at the market just now. The pup was wearing a HUGE choke chain, too big for the pup and installed upside down, so when it was yanked...which seemed to be happening a lot, it would not go back to the loose position. So the pup was choking.

I walked up with the usual, non-invasive questions. When I mentioned that I am a behaviorist, the gentleman looked plaintive and said, "Oh, I think we need your help. This isn't our dog, it's my girlfriend's parents' and we just started dog sitting a half hour ago." He then said that they would have 'Maggie' for two and a half weeks and weren't sure how they were going to get on.

Just then, the gf shows up with a really snooty air and said some dismissive things to him. When he tried to introduce me, she yanked the dog away from him, screamed her name a couple of times and pulled the leash up so tight, the dog's feet were off the ground.

I asked if I could say something about the collar and the woman put on one of those fake smiles and chirped to the guy, "We really need to be going" and looked at him as if he'd farted in her face. She then said, if the collar is good enough for her parents, it was none of my business and dragged the poor creature away, gagging.

I saw them once again, while the woman was on her own and said that I really didn't mean to offend her.

She spoke so fast, I couldn't understand most of what she said, but it included something like 'you are a crazy woman' and 'you have nothing to say to me, we don't even OWN a dog' She then yanked the dog up again and started to move away. I shouldn't have done it, but I said,'That's obvious.'

This was totally wrong, I know. I should have let well enough alone right after I realized her personality, but it was such an easy fix, I really just wanted to help the dog. But I didn't let it go. As she walked away, I said, "When you return that poor dog to your parents, with tracheal damage, I hope they understand."

The worst. So wrong. I could have been compassionate and called out, 'please just turn the collar right side up and maybe watch a youtube video about how to use a chain.' But I was mad and was a jerk.

She just struck me as one of those, no one can tell me anything, brats. I don't know her. Who knows why she is the way she is. But, honestly, that 7 month old puppy may not make it through these two weeks. I feel just terrible.

I'm not proud.

So far, no family members have contacted Joe or me about attending this afternoon. Our friend Jessica is attending with her daughter and we are so grateful.

And so very grateful for the support you all have shown us. Family of the heart you all truly are.

I can't imagine NOT going to a child's performance.

My pseudo-son-Sam had a theatre day at his school...it wasn't even a public performance. I may have embarrassed him a little by saying, "Yeeeessss" just as the lights went down. But, how could I not? He totally nailed his part!

He said he was embarrassed, but he was also grinning from ear to ear and telling everyone it was me.

Em should be rewarded for courage and talent.

Aims coal in your family's stockings too!

It looks like my uncle might still be in the hospital for Christmas, which puts all our plans up in the air. He may or may not be having surgery on his lung on Saturday. Either way he could us some health-ma.

Hah. See, I might've been calling the family and being like "So which day are you coming to the performance, Friday or Saturday??"