I don't have a religion that replaces Christianity in terms of observances and decorations, etc, but I fought long and hard in school to not be made to sing Christian songs, be included in prayer sessions, etc. In Jamaica, you're fucked. The only competing demographic is Rastafarianism, and the class baggage there is...yeah. There was no neutral zone--I got in trouble for answering a question with evolution when the desired response was creationism--uh, it's SCIENCE class. Let's just pretend?

In the UK, at least at my school, it was better. The Moslem and Jainist. girls were quite "why do you have to make a fuss?" but I didn't want to be defaulted into things that people were supposed to mean. There was also no zero option, but they did let me go to Jewish assembly (assembly was religious on Tuesdays, only...) once a week, and since it was a choice, and no one minded me being there to learn instead of worship, things were cool.

The Christmas of Upper Fifth they tried to make me attend the Christmas services at an actual church and I kicked and spat and complained, and again the Moslem and Jainists were all "Shhhh." But I was fifteen and the bee was in my bonnet, and Mrs Shaw eventually obtained permission for me to go to the loosely Chanukah gathering instead, saying wryly "I'm not Christian either, but they won't let me not go to church." I was always very grateful for that.

Fuckit, though, in the end I spent a few months living in a convent hostel with the most ignorant nuns in the hemisphere, and they actually put their hands on me to get me into a prayer session before A Levels. Left my chemistry textbook on the floor of the common room, but since they'd already gone through my belongings and quizzed me about worshipping the devil, this was church I didn't know how to avoid.

Anyway--long way around... "bothered by otherness" and "coopted into observations you don't believe in" aren't the same thing at all. And the pattern of being co opted by the dominant race/religion/sexual orientation is very different from us living in a house with a mezzuzah, especially when you have a belief, a god, a set of rituals that go in that place people keep casually filling with the statistical "winner".

To properly leap into a hornet's nest, it strikes me as similar to "So black people can't be racist against white people???" which is rarely a response to a 180° version of the situation, because you can't escape history and entrenched power in society in that evaluation. While it is equally awful for black people to be prejudiced against white people as vice versa, the landscapes aren't mirror images, and the fifty fifth time you've had to say "That's not my god, that's yours" this month isn't like that time you got mistaken for gay when you were out clubbing.

I don't know how to explain the exhaustion and general psychological ache of trying not to be overwhelmed by other people's default assumptions of what and how you are when you just want to be you, but most other people are white/straight/sexual/cis/American/Christian/dominant and the disregard for your individuality is like an undertow that's pulling you out further and further from shore.

And I have no idea if the thought that was in my head as I was reading is now in the posting box, or if it's relevant, but I'm going to go with the submit button anyway.

What ita said. Thank you, ita. You said very eloquently what I've trying to articulate in my head since the discussion started.

Nora, the universe needs to checkity-check itself, I am saying. Sorry you had a crap day, too! KR came over and I vented and raged and nearly cried at one point. And we did start a project, so that's good. And planned another.

I've no dog in the conversation, but that's not out of disinterest, but because I've not the brain space, it being finals week and all.

And, ironically, I have a total First World Problem re: Christmas.

Last year, Em got the AG dolls Kit and Ruthie (1934). Each of them has a bed. For her birthday, she got Molly (1944) from her godparents. I have it on good authority that Em will be getting Caroline (1812) for Christmas from my mother. My question is do I buy two beds and give them both to her for Christmas? If I do, I can make four sets of bedding and give those as gifts. I am also going to be making a metric ass load of doll clothes for her dolls, as well. Or do I wait until after the holidays?

The funny thing is, Joe and I were totally going to get her Josefina (1824, New Mexico) because her collection was quite ... Caucasian. But we decided against it because there was a threshold we didn't want to cross with too many dolls. Of course that was before she got Molly, so that ship has now sailed. Anyway ...

Buy beds and make bedding or not and wait til after the holidays?

Also, I think my mother is trying to make-up for her own lack-of-dolls from when she was a girl with Em. Which I am totally ok with because the dang dolls are too spendy for me, yo.

Hmm, 4 AG beds is a lot of beds to house. That would be my only concern.

I say, tell her in those days, folks shared beds. And let the dolls double up. But what do I know, I'm just a guy who never had dolls.

this is my One True bite guard. No boil, no "fitting", just wash out of the box and stick in mouth. Small and light they don't obstruct breathing (or drinking water) and only once has one half slipped from btwn my back teeth and prompted a dream of chewing on something weird. Sure, I chew through them periodically (and sometimes the younger cat gets to it and noms on the delicious mintyness of something that's been regulary soaked in a post-toothpaste mouth) but that's ok because they aren't insanely expensive.

eta: and I love these for travel.

Iirc, Josefina lived at Golondrinas. I took Ellie there a few years ago and it was really cool. I think Josefina is beautiful but Elle doesn't really like dolls. Anyway,I agree with Burrell; 4 beds is a lot of space.

I don't know how to explain the exhaustion and general psychological ache of trying not to be overwhelmed by other people's default assumptions of what and how you are when you just want to be you

The first comparison that popped into mind might be the default assumptions associated in peoples minds of what you are if you are a woman. This exhaustion and psychological ache being much more profound in other cultures than our own, yet still existing here as well.

I don't know how to explain the exhaustion and general psychological ache of trying not to be overwhelmed by other people's default assumptions of what and how you are when you just want to be you

Wow. Well said, ita. Very evocative and clear. Thank you.