You
did
love him, and you also
did
have a genuinely hard time making a life together work. That's a seriously fucking hard contradiction to try to balance out even without a death interrupting the process, and it's no wonder you're all torn up trying to deal with that unfinished business on top of all the other stuff that loss landed on you.
All I can do is throw my offer on the pile -- wine and unlimited venting space any time you happen to be down my way. And a an ear on the internet all the rest of the times.
Maria, I'm so sorry you are former in laws are acting like that, there's no excuse, not even grief, to be that horrible to a person.
It's perfectly reasonable mot wanting to participate or deal with holidays and special occasions after someone died. When my cousin, S, died my aunt didn't do christmas, or thanksgiving, and found a way to be out of town on his birthday and Mother's Day. (we're a small family over all so the situation is different). I just think it's normal not to deal with that.
I more than occasionally have fantasies of a dozen of us showing up at Maria's out-laws and politely taking back the puppy.
Sadly, I'm much happier having cut off all contact with his parents. I wish things could have been different, but no one tells me I have no prerogative as his wife because his mother has it all. I don't care how screwed up our relationship was, if he was unhappy, he could have left at any time. He didn't so he doesn't get off scot-free.
Sometimes, when I'm being more cynical than usual, I wonder if I wasn't more in love with the idea of being in love than I was with the individual.
I more than occasionally have fantasies of a dozen of us showing up at Maria's out-laws and politely taking back the puppy.
You need to do this. And bring a camera crew.
The things they took are actually your property, Maria. If they hate you already, why not raise a stink to get them back?
I more than occasionally have fantasies of a dozen of us showing up at Maria's out-laws and politely taking back the puppy.
Yes. You are not the only one, Trudy.
why not raise a stink to get them back?
Because it's not worth the anguish to me. It's not going to bring him back, and it's not going to change the reality of our life together.
As for Coco, his parents found her, and we've always had a long-standing joint custody arrangement. I had no qualms about them taking the dog. I work long hours and am gone frequently enough that Coco would have been miserable. She's a beagle and needs companionship--human or another dog. We were going to continue that arrangement, just flipped. I'd occasionally get her when I had the opportunity to do so. She was much more Rob's dog anyway. I was tolerated at best. She went to work with him, she went flying with him, and she ran to him first when she was happy or upset. I was perfectly content for them to keep her because I knew I'd see her, but it's all different now. It doesn't change the fact that I'm not in a position to keep Coco full time. As much as I hate to admit it, she is better off with them.
Sending you much love, Maria
