Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
but "right now" has turned into 13 years, and I know if I don't make some effort to, to do *something*, I'll likely spend the rest of my life in this self-imposed isolation.
I feel your pain. It's gotta be 6 or 8 years for me (once you add an 's" to year since you've had sex, it gets kinda depressing). I suck at asking women out. Suck at approach. It's either too casual, and it goes nowhere, or I come off as a perv, and it goes nowhere. I don't have much advice for you. But, that I'm sitting on the same bench with you.
That's totally a teacher-suitable dress.
Zen, I'm sorry this is all so fraught for you. The only way to figure things out, and make a change, is to start, right? Just keep starting. Sex is a super weird thing. It really, really is.
Not the greatest segue, but Z met Tom and Nora and me at the pub for a drink. Still like him. Still seems to like me. Going to maybe hang out tomorrow night, and all four of us are going to see Beasts of the Southern Wild on Sunday night (my third time, the first for the others). Part of me is antsy to just know that we're in a relationship*, part of me feels good about taking things a little slow (though we've already had sex once, so not *that* slow).
* yes, I know, here I go again. My insecurity eats me starting with my bottom, every day.
Zen and Steph I can relate in ways and Zen I'm sorry this is so stressful.
I'm dealing with some issues of things not going the way I expected. When Will and I only saw each other a couple of days 2x a year things were different - absence and all that. But now that we're together our sex drives are different, not to mention it takes me a long time to get warmed up and into things. The best way to describe it (I guess) is if we were both on a track trying to go from 1 to 10 I'd be starting on 0 and he'd be starting on 7 and it's made me feel frustrated. When we were long distance and we'd see each other I'd maybe be start at 7 so it would work out. And then a lot of times recently we've had time constraints and my apartment's walls are rather thin..especially in the bedroom...which makes it hard to relax.
But also I've had to deal with the fact that what I thought was my sex drive was probably just hyper sexuality brought on by hypomania. Which I didn't even know could happen but it does. And then there's the fact for the past -- well since January I keep saying I feel "low energy" and "blah" and it comes and goes but it's been more that than feeling good (like when I first moved up to VT) so I don't know if I'm depressed and that's effecting my sex drive or what.
I feel like I was giving Will some false advertising about what things would be like and I wish it were just easy, instead of feeling like we keep having the same discussions about things.
Oh, askye, that's so hard.
The best way to describe it (I guess) is if we were both on a track trying to go from 1 to 10 I'd be starting on 0 and he'd be starting on 7 and it's made me feel frustrated.
Oh, I know that feeling.
So, remember when I said "Sex is weird?" I just had a wacky text convo with Z. He thought I was brushing him off on Tuesday when we were snuggling on my bed, but really I was just shifting position because my hip was killing me, and apparently his friend M I met the other week thought I was flirting with her? IDEK. And then his phone died, but not before I suggested talking it all out tomorrow and then hopefully making out. I think he's reading my nervousness and bouts of insecurity as a lack of interest.
zen - good luck , just go for it. not sex , just the date.
Sex is weird.
Even married and knowing each other- sex drives are constantly changing and so it get weird again
there are men out there who can deal with your issues.
This is what I would have said if I hadn't been driving home and then buying ties.
But it's been said, so I'm going to skip ahead...
Are you the sort of person that needs it all to be the same guy?
Can you start explicitly no sex dating to get back into the game, and once you've gotten your feet wet, decided if, when, and with who you want to deeper into the pool with?
I mean, you're not boyfriending right now. You're just at the dating place. Can you handle that sort of explicit not-intimacy yet?
smonster I hope you two can talk and work out some of the misunderstandings.
It helps that we can talk about it.
Today I've also realized exactly how much place played a role in my mental health. I've been really low energy and today I got sad for "no reason" and felt I like I was going to cry at work. But I keep feeling like I'm still crocheting and knitting and going to those related things so I'm not that depressed.
I keep comparing the way I feel now versus the way I would feel in Tallahassee and I realized that Tallahassee was just really really toxic for me and was taking up a lot of spoons (to use the spoon theory) and I moved to VT and found them and I was all YAY this is how I am now! Only now I'm not like that and it's frustrating.
I keep comparing the way I feel now versus the way I would feel in Tallahassee and I realized that Tallahassee was just really really toxic for me and was taking up a lot of spoons (to use the spoon theory) and I moved to VT and found them and I was all YAY this is how I am now! Only now I'm not like that and it's frustrating.
I definitely have been going through this on and off after the first 6-12 months of living here went by. I have to always remember my cousin's words of wisdom, "no matter where you go, you're still you." It's so frustrating though.
Even married and knowing each other- sex drives are constantly changing and so it get weird again
Oh, god, yes. I adore Hubby to the bottom of his feet and would rain ruin onto anyone who did him harm, but lust kind of faded with the millennium. It's terribly flattering that he still desires me, but I so don't want to start responding to him with "Oh, all right, then."
