This new nasal spray that's supposed to help my ears isn't helping so much. Still full of ow.

Hard day today. I had to take Seamus to the vet (he's totally fine...poor punkin has allergies and licked his tummy almost bald...got a shot...he'll be fine). I was almost there when I realized the last time I was there was 6 months ago and I was picking Mickey's ashes up. Had to cry in the parking lot for awhile.

Aww, ChiKat, super hard. Glad Seamus is okay.

Oh, ChiKat. That's rough. I'm sorry.

When I was studying Hebrew, I had a similar sort of "What is up with all these tenses?" issue, compounded by the genders. Like, OK, in this tense the masculine and feminine second-person singular are the same, but in this other tense, the masculine one is what it seems like it ought to be, but the feminine one looks more like the third-person plural, and then over in this other tense that's switched, and what's with all these extra letters in future tense so that I can barely even recognize the verb anymore?

This is a very accurate description of the stuff Hebrew does to verbs. Really. Even natives conjugate some verbs (mostly in future tense, as you said) wrong because we fail to recognize the root. Especially if it's a root where one of the letters is dropped in future tense. Not to mention the horrible tendency of a lot of people to use second person verbs when they speak of themselves. "I will walk", when the "will walk" refers to second person still makes me cringe. [In Hebrew the verb itself will tell you to whom it refers.]

I don't understand. What's a date-date, and what's wrong with it? I'm doubtlessly being too naive here, but it's a mutual evaluation event, where most guys feel they have to foot the bill, and some assholes (who are probably not the ones who made it this far) assume that it's a transaction for nookie. Is that what you think a date-date is?

Humm. Not exactly. I'll start from the beginning: in a perfect world, I could say I go out on date and the mutual evaluation will happen but it won't be a a Bloodbath of Judgement and Anxiety (which might be just a thing I cause other people to feel. I don't know). However, I couldn't help but notice that when I use the D-word, most people will turn it exactly into this. I can hardly have any fun when I see the other person giving into anxiety and trying so hard to impress me that if things won't go exactly the way he wants/planned it then he must top his original plan with something else, and God forbid if change will happen in any other way. Case in point: one of the dates I had earlier this year was in the area of the restaurants in Mahane Yehuda Market. He had a specific restaurant in mind, and we walked there and the places was packed - all tables were taken. I went "humm. OK, plan B", turned to another direction to another restaurant I knew near by, turned back to him to make sure he follows and saw a very puzzled look. I asked if he's coming, and then he relaxed a bit. It took me few minutes to realize he thought for a few seconds I'm gonna ditch him on the spot because the place he picked wasn't available. And for the rest of that date, he kept trying to get some sort of control of it, in "success stories", in trying to pay the bill, in trying to set the course of it. I can't evaluate people when they're like that. I don't want to hang out with people I don't know when they're like that. This isn't fun. I partly felt like a babysitter or a boss in a job interview.

The "who's gonna pay" is another thing. I never quite got the thing where the guy's supposed to pay. When I started dating, I truly thought this era ended. It was obvious to me that we're either splitting the bill or that each is paying on him/herself. If a guy is refusing to respect my wishes on this (acts as if it's an insult/asks me 5 times if I'm sure about it/trying to pay on another part of the evening and won't let me pay back), well, it doesn't leave a good impression. It leaves a "I don't mind what you think or what you want to do, I need things to go my way" impression.

So I don't use the word date. I say to them that I plan to go out, eat something and have fun. They're welcome to leave their ideas of what a date should look or feel like the second they see me.

Does that really switch on and off if you use the word date or not? I've never been out with a man that malleable.

Also, maybe it is an age thing, but to me split the bill happens on something date-like only if it is discussed in advance. Otherwise the person asking pays. So it is not the man pays for the woman, but the person doing the inviting is implicitly offering the pay when extending the invitation.

Otherwise the person asking pays. So it is not the man pays for the woman, but the person doing the inviting is implicitly offering the pay when extending the invitation.

This is how I operate, too.

Yeah, person asking pays. (Not that I've been on a TON of dates...I have made out with people without having had a conversation with them!)

Does that really switch on and off if you use the word date or not? I've never been out with a man that malleable.

I don't know. With some guys, it is, but maybe it doesn't matter how I'll call it - they'll still be too stressed to have fun. It's just that from my experience, those who insist to keep it in a strict "date" form above all other actual things one can do and achieve on a date (get to know the other person; have fun; consume food and good company) will use this word repeatedly. And I've been on great dates where the word "date" was never mentioned in it or before it. I'm just trying to make it easier for all parties involved. Again, it's just my experience, and this experience isn't vast.

maybe it is an age thing, but to me split the bill happens on something date-like only if it is discussed in advance. Otherwise the person asking pays. So it is not the man pays for the woman, but the person doing the inviting is implicitly offering the pay when extending the invitation.

Possibly an age thing. Could be a local (culture) thing. I never expect any of the sides to pay for both sides. I'll ask if we split the bill or if each pay for the stuff he/she ordered when bill is served, but sometimes the other person asks that first.

I'm glad I've known guys who can have fun on a date. None of them ever turned into anything (aside from the boyfriend I had unknowingly), but 50% of them were fun nonetheless.