sj, I'm sorry that your grief is compounded by shower shenanigans. I once went to a shower where you wore a little mini-diaper thingy on your shirt, and then you unfold them and whoever has a fake poop stain wins a prize. For realz.

Can I get some health~ma for my sis? She's had (whitefont for gross) diarrhea for a couple of weeks now, and may need to have a biopsy (she has ongoing intestinal issues). She's lost 10 lbs.

I slept twelve hours and my headache is gone (yay) but I missed a nail trim appt for Frankie (boo) but rescheduled for 1 pm (yay). Sooo much to do today. Gonna run out of weekend again.

Do you really become ostracized from your social circle if you refuse to particpate in showers? Can't you just drop by, hand the present over, kiss the victim/bride/mother-to-be, then plead an important last-minute appointment out of town?

In my family that would not work.

And the fake "sexy" jokes.(It's not like I don't want to to come to your party, and, hell, I studied anthropology, I know how important a good rite is.But it totally feels like going back through the wormhole to Peggy Oleson's time, or something.) It doesn't help that the last few were not for close friends...for someone you really love, you want to do stupid things to make them happy, I suppose, but it's different for women you don't know on that level. And, no, I'm not jealous. I think I won a candle in the fake-stain contest. Very proud moment.

Wow. I feel not just lucky, maybe blessed, that I've never been to a shower I didn't have a good time at. They're usually co ed, likkered up, and lots of laughs. They're just like birthday parties, but nobody has to get older.

Oh, and they're voluntary. Good lord. Why would someone have a party that...that's just cruel-assed motherfuckery. I would seriously risk familial discord over something like that. I'm not very nice. Really not.

smonster, I hope your sister has a mysterious intestinal flora realignment. That happens, right? Right?

Ugh. Showers are the worst. When my BFF had a baby, I did a shower that I called "brunch with presents". There were no games, the only thing I did was get a beautiful journal, and ask each guest to either write some advice if they were a mother, or good wishes if they weren't. I added pictures (like I tried to get add a picture of the BFF opening the persons gift next to their advice.). It was nice. Although her SIL kept trying to make it more "shower-y", but I was having none of that.

Do you think if you'd called the event for your BFF a shower you'd have set false expectations and misled people (for the worse), or would have been redefining the term shower for the better?

I mean, lots of unrelated people are throwing showers with no games, or drinking games or fun games, or whatever, since there's little intersection between the ones I've been to, and so other people are going to unhorrible showers out there somewhere too. It can change, so why not help it along? Be part of the change you want to see, and other cheesy things.

My awesome GLBT-and-friends choir threw me a coed baby shower, so much less with the heteronormativity.

Do you think if you'd called the event for your BFF a shower you'd have set false expectations and misled people (for the worse), or would have been redefining the term shower for the better?

I never actually used the word "shower" in the invitation. I did them myself, they were purple (BFF's favorite color), and said "come celebrate the impending birth of Baby F". When anyone said "shower", I said "it's brunch with presents". People hear what they want to hear.

Health~ma for your sister, smonster.

Showers for friends or close family are ok. I've been invited to many showers for people who didnt seemed inclined to ask me to dine, drink, or even hang out before hitting me up for a gift and a weekend afternoon, and those tended to make me feel a bit used. Five years since we spoke and you're expecting me to shell out for Waterford crystal? Or taste-test baby food? You'd damn well better come through with the bubbly, then (they didn't).