Thanks, you guys. I keep telling myself I could make this work if only I'd put more effort into it, and maybe that's true, but... I've already put a lot of effort into it! I worked hard but it just wasn't enough, and I have to be OK with that, and with drawing the line here.

Sparky, I'm sorry you had similar trouble, but very glad to have your perspective on the issue. I know that, even though it seems so huge to me now, later on I'll remember it as just one of the many challenges of parenthood, and not The Single Most Important Thing that determines whether or not I love my daughter.

Kate, no guilt. The most important thing for Rose? A happy relaxed mom who's not in pain during feedings. I wound up giving up breastfeeding early on, and I didn't even bother to try with Sara, and she's a happy, healthy, well-adjusted kid who knows exactly how much I love her.

Awww, that's tough, Kate. But know that we had to stop breastfeeding Emmett at about 6 weeks and it made everything so much easier for us. And he never suffered for it.

Breastfeeding shouldn't be torturous. We have other options nowadays. Don't fetishize the process of feeding your kid.

Certainly there's a lot of lovely bonding possible there, but ultimately it's a protein intake system.

It will be fine, Kate. Honestly, looking back I wish I had stopped sooner because I would have removed a huge source of stress from all our lives, and I am just left wondering what the hell kind of brainwashing I'd been subjected to, to actually think that biting my lip trying not to cry at every feeding was better than smiling down at her while she took a bottle.

Certainly there's a lot of lovely bonding possible there

And bottle-feeding isn't that different. I know Stephen got a lot out of feeding the kids, and so did they, for one, but bonding happens all the time with your baby.

Man, why did I wait so long to talk about this here?? I would never have guessed that so many people I know (here and elsewhere) had to give up breastfeeding too.

Certainly there's a lot of lovely bonding possible there, but ultimately it's a protein intake system.

Yeah, this is what I have to remind myself of. Also, that not a lot of happy bonding is going on when one person is in serious pain and the other is crying and thrashing around in frustration. I mean, sometimes she likes nursing, but often it just doesn't go very well, and then we're all unhappy. We'll be OK without it.

Sparky and Amy: exactly! M has been doing most of the bottle feedings and it's been a great experience for him -- though he'll be quite happy to have me doing more of them, too. Mealtimes have been generally a source of much frustration around here; I'm hoping this decision will cut down on that considerably.

Breast feeding doesn't in itself create the bond. It's caring for your baby and being there. E's Mom breasr feed him for quite awhile but she never really bonded with him. My brother had the stronger bond with E.

Speaking of E he will be 4 in August and he's so amazing. He caught two fish by himself. My brother cast the line out but E hooked the fish and reeled them in and tossed them back after Dad got them off the hook. In October he didn't know how to work the reel and was kind of afraid of fish.

And he's 42 inches tall and weighed 42 lbz the last time he was at the dr.

It really will, Kate, and you'll all be relaxed and happier. Breastfeeding is a fantastic thing if you can do it easily, without stress, but in my mind there's enough stress involved with being a parent, especially for the first time, that adding more unnecessarily is a bad idea.

Kate, C. went through the exact same thing (the pain, the sadness, the guilt), and Mairead is practically driving at 23 months! (not really) But you couldn't find a happier, stronger, more well-adjusted (bossier) toddler!

Also I miss you!