strix,

yes, if it is not too much bother. email works.

Since I won't have the opportunity to describe to her why I was so joyful at the opportunity to marry this couple, I'll say it here.

The groom really was a terrible person, at one time. There are a number of factors...some of which I don't know...that contributed to his rehabilitation and his wife must be chief among them.

When I was on a knife's edge, he visited once or twice a week. Brought food. Treated my physical illness.

He listened to my deepest, ugliest thoughts and never flinched. I'm guessing, because his have been just as bad or worse. He never bored of my tears and has never failed to check in with me since December.

At one point, he asked for permission to share what I had said with his, then, fiance. I was frankly surprised that he hadn't already, but gave consent because, you know...open book.

She came to my home with a gift, which frankly, I was not psyched about, in the moment. It is a huge begonia.

She told me how her grandfather acquired it and that it was very special to him. She said that the portion she was giving me is roughly 150 years old. She assured me that, if I chose not to live, she would understand, but could I please try? Could I please take care of this precious plant for her?

Except for being with J, and going for dog walks on holidays with Bartleby's best friend Bob, I was a relative stranger to M. But she told me in clear, logical terms how it would impact her if I died.

She did not feel sorry for me, she did not patronize or judge. She simply saw the hole in my heart and tried to fill as much of it as she could with loving kindness.

THAT is why I didn't think of anyone, or anything else when I saw the opportunity to repay even a fraction of their kindness.

You made the right choice, bonny. Let the crazy just talk to herself since she is pushing everyone else away.

Strix - You have me curious also. my profile e-mail is good.

The headache seems to be on the low side this morning, may it just disappear. Please. Pretty please.

Still have the migraine. I actually threw up this morning from the pain. And we're supposed to leave for vacation today. Whee.

We picked up the rental car (a bright red Dodge Avenger -- seriously -- that we named Tony), and the goal was to leave at noon, but it's looking more like 2:00, because I have to take massive drugs and go lie down again.

Maybe the health thing that happened to me recently will be a good thing for that chronic health condition I have discussed here so much in the past!

Your necessary vagueness is amusing and I want to treat it like Mad Libs: Maybe the gamma ray exposure that happened to me recently will be a good thing for that chronic anger I have discussed here so much in the past!

...wait. I may have done that one wrong.

BWAHA, Tep! I feel stupid being so vague, but I know what *I* would do with google-fu, so I am just being, probably unnecessarily, cautious but I am strategizing, so...

I am NOT happy with your migraine. Bebe, I am SO sorry!

Suzi, insent.

bonny, it sounds like he has married a wonderful woman, and has changed as a person -- which is incredibly hard to do. I think you did exactly the right thing in marrying them. (Sorta)friend sounds like she is taking out her anger at him on you, which is NOT ON.

Tep, I hope you feel better soon.

o-a, I forgot to say congratulations on the condo-having (provisionally)! I'll really throw confetti when you sign the docs.

On one hand, I want to have one of those self-righteous discussions where I get to tear her playhouse down...on the other hand...Meh.

I am quickly learning that those discussions do absolutely nothing for people who are convinced of the righteousness and justness of their viewpoints. All it does is give them more ammunition with which to turn around and fire right back at you. At the end of the day, they are still selfish and hurtful, and you are one step closer to being mortally wounded.

I didn't want to cut contact with these individuals for various reasons, but my shoulders are not wide enough to carry my own blame, let alone the blame that belongs to others. There are many more sinners than saints, and I cannot deal with people who think they are the latter while labeling me the spawn of the devil. While I'm sad at the loss of people and things that are important to me, my mental health is better when I surround myself with people who genuinely give a damn about me, warts and all.

Life is too short, bonny. Let the toxicity go and concentrate on the good that exists right now and that is to come. There's nothing we can change about the past, but it's experience that can make our future better.

Google doesn't index the thread pages, Strix.

Ah, good to know, ita !. I am still going to be discreet and stick with the name change, as certain people have persons with wealth at their beck and call, and I would rather be safe than sorry.

I am paranoid BECAUSE someone is out to get me!

It's not really practical to erase every mention of your name, but you might want to make sure the kid's name isn't in any threads, if you're worried that they'll make it this deep into the site.

I am quickly learning that those discussions do absolutely nothing for people who are convinced of the righteousness and justness of their viewpoints. All it does is give them more ammunition with which to turn around and fire right back at you. At the end of the day, they are still selfish and hurtful, and you are one step closer to being mortally wounded.

Just echoing this, because it's a true thing that took me too long to learn.