Oh, wow, you guys. So much this weekend. Let me reiterate how awesome y'all are and how glad I am of the support there is to be had here (even for someone as charcoal-grey lurky as me).

Anyway, hugs to all who might like them, yays for those who are doing better.

From a while back, Jilli said:

2) it will make me cry and maybe I need catharsis?

A quote that I liked so much I wrote it in my journal (and I really don't journal, but that's how right-on the quote was), from an author I believe you're fond of:

I suppose a cry does us all good at times, clears the air as other rain does. - Stoker

Well, there we go, me sobbing through the middle of Lilo & Stitch was a good call, even Bram Stoker says so.

Tep, your post seemed very helpful to me. Calling someone (especially a parent) on that sort of toxic manipulation needs to be done.

Teppy, I didn't see your post, but I'm sure it was fine.

Miss Manners' response to that sort of manipulation--though it's normally phrased as "I won't darken the door of the church where this abomination takes place!" rather than suicide threats--is "We will miss you terribly on our happy day, we hope you change your mind, bye."

My mom flipped out and cried and blamed her diabetes on them and said she would kill herself on their wedding day if they got married. And then my dad called angrily asking why my brother made her miserable and why she was crying all day.

P-C, this is so 100% opposite of everything I believe about parenting. I am so sorry that your parents are dampening what should be a completely joyous occasion. I sincerely hope that your brother and his fiance stay strong. It is just cruel to try and manipulate them this way. I hope that your parents change their minds, but it is their loss in more ways than one if they don't.

My cousin's in-laws did this to them when they married (about 50 years ago or so) He was Jewish and she was Catholic and his family disowned him and probably went a decade before they had contact with him. He finished medical school without their help, married, and produced the grandchildren, all without contact. They did reconcile and became close, but it was a heartbreaking situation during the period of estrangement.

I wish this type of family heartbreak on no one, but the blame in this situation is totally one sided. You cannot tell an adult who they will love. Can't be done. Ain't right. Don't work.

P-C, I think you officially have the worst parents of any Buffista. And I include my own, whom I no longer speak to.

And best wishes for your brother's wedding and, more important, his marriage.

P-C, that is your mother's loss. Not your brother's.

What she said. I hope your mother comes around, but I hope so for her sake, not his. He's going to be happy no matter what. Congratulations to them!

P-C, I think you officially have the worst parents of any Buffista.

Yay for me!

It's all so sad. The memories of how she righteously didn't attend her son's wedding are not going to keep her warm in her old age.

As others have said, the only thing your brother can do is tell her he would love to have her at the wedding and then disengage from further manipulations. What she does is on her head.

P-C,

I am sure this is really awful for you, being in the middle of all the bullshit. I'm sorry. Do the best you can, support your brother (I think he will need you). I'm not sure what to say about your relationship with your parents. I mean, how can it not be strained?

I am intrigued about her reaction if you do call emergency personnel with information that she may harm herself.