Ridiculous, Ginger.

So! Happy bird news today! She has well and truly fledged. She is currently sitting on the deck on top of my cartop carrier, which is made of foam and canvas and is apparently very comfy. I think she has limited flight at this point. Like, I think she fell off the deck a couple times but has been able to get back up. Mom & dad are still feeding her.

I know this because I scared her off the deck when I went out a bit ago, and mom came up looking for her all concerned. She even checked back up in the nest, like, where did you go. Then she was at the edge of the deck scolding. And now the chick is back on the deck.

So it seems like fledglings are like teenagers. But anyway, she's healthy and apparently happy, and mom & dad are looking after her. The thing is, if she survives and eventually makes her own nest here, she's going to be the tamest ever, because I've handled her. And if she is female. I think she is, but at this stage I'm not entirely sure. She has no crest, but the male crest is barely noticeable at full maturity, and it might not be developed yet.

How are you doing today, Cass?

So it seems like fledglings are like teenagers. But anyway, she's healthy and apparently happy, and mom & dad are looking after her. The thing is, if she survives and eventually makes her own nest here, she's going to be the tamest ever, because I've handled her.

It really does. I hope that she does survive and you get to watch many more generations come and thrive.

I'm ... numb. Usually I'm numb. And it feels better than the hurting part. Because I also feel really guilty. Not that I could have kept Kittenish alive, though I probably could have for a little longer. But that I had her boarded for three weeks and that I wasn't with her for both her last good time and more than the very end. That's not something I am sure I will ever not feel guilt about. Mostly I miss her.

Dad isn't getting chemo due to his age. Radiation and continue the steroid therapy. I've been mostly talking to him in the evenings and he sounds alright. Tired and a little confused but motivated and reports of his days are good.

But that I had her boarded for three weeks and that I wasn't with her for both her last good time and more than the very end. That's not something I am sure I will ever not feel guilt about.

Oh honey. You couldn't have known, and you got there when you could. She had you at the end, and all her wonderful life.

I know it's not that easy, by a mile. But I hope you can give yourself some slack.

Oh honey. You couldn't have known, and you got there when you could. She had you at the end, and all her wonderful life.

I will keep repeating this as necessary. I will also come down and write it in eyeliner on your mirrors, if I need to.

Oh Cass, I wish you didn't feel guilty, but I know that feelings are real even if they aren't always the truth. I hope that your guilt can transform into something else eventually. You were very good to Kittenish.

Sending strength and ~ma to you and your family.

What audio tape was that, Sox? It's not something that comes up, like ever, from non-Jamaicans around me.

Insent, ita ! to your profile addy.

I will also come down and write it in eyeliner on your mirrors, if I need to.

I'm trying to know this. It's just that - right now - it's not enough.

It's just that - right now - it's not enough.

I know. Believe me, I know.