Oh Cass, I'm glad you have a friend coming over soon. Let your friend take care of you, you don't have to be a grown up if you don't want to.

Four weeks ago, I thought that was fictional and just looked like how you'd expect sad to look in a movie

As long as you're not doing that thing where you close the door, and both you and him touch it soulfully as if you can "feel* through it, but it's all too poignant for words. Or eye contact.

Which is a roundabout way of deflecting from--I wish it were fiction, dammit, for everyone.

Oh, Cass. I am so sorry. I really do understand. I don't cry for Mickey every day anymore (so I know I'm getting more used to him being gone...I'll never be "over it"), but I still cry regularly. Cried for him on the way home from work.

Add the stress and worry about your dad? And it truly sucks. My dad's not well. He's been slowly declining for several years and I think he's slipping into the final stages. Because of his declining health, I have very complicated feelings about this.

To sum up, I'm sorry, love. I wish I could make things better for you.

To sum up, I'm sorry, love. I wish I could make things better for you.

I wish you could too.

Dad has an ocology appt soon where we find out treatment options and then it's a question of his strength both mentally or physically.

Talking to him last night when he asked how my cat was doing was brutal. Because she's gone and either no one told him or he forgot. Probably no one told him. It hurts him to hear his little girl crying because she's lost too much.

Oh Cass, what a conversation to have to have.

Worrying about your parents' health is such a hard space. It's such a reversal of the order of things, and I don't think there's any way to prepare for it. And it truly sucks having to be strong for them. And yet.

I'm sorry.

Oh Cass I wish there was something I could do.

Cass, much comfort to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and struggles.

I'm so sorry, Cass. I hate the thought of you sliding down the wall to cry without someone there to put their arms around you. Mine are reaching; they're just painfully too short to cross a state line.

Anything you can do to be kind and gentle to yourself, even if it's as small as cookies and milk or a shameless cry in a hot shower, anything at all, do it. I wish you were surrounded by Buffistas right now.

Cass, what JZ said.

JZ is great with words. I nod, and point. And add my brackets. {{{ Cass }}} As someone who is dealing with father fighting Cancer, we are siblings in this war. To which I say, Fuck Cancer, because it can't be said enough.