All the loves, Erin dear. Texted you to say the same, and don't you dare feel obligated to answer unless you want to.

I am patting the crap out of your hair right now, Erin.

In other news, girl, you need to use better shampoo.

{{{Erin}}}

That was a brave, brave thing you just did.

Also, I understand the impulse to clean. If you're anything like me, it will help. The only thing I ask is that you please be gentle with yourself if you need to readjust your goals partway through. Sometimes, the spoon inventory depletes faster than expected.

but, as many of you know, one cannot compare pain and guilt to that which other have suffered, as one persons horrific problems does not negate the seemingly less problems of others

First, I hope you know I love you and care about your pain. I am grateful that you have this place because it is much easier to share with your blinvisible friends than those in meat space. Yes, many of us have been there and know well the pain and guilt.

I applaud you making a plan and would suggest two things added to the schedule you may find odd. In addition to the concrete action items of cleaning, which is essential to move in a positive direction, you should consider these. 1. Schedule a weepy pity party. Watch that movie, read that book that makes you weep every damn time and release some tears. 2. Do something pampering for yourself. New hair bobble, nice bakery treat, something you think you don't deserve.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I believe you have turned the corner. Also, {{{{{ hugs }}}}}

Oh, Erin. I'm so sorry that this has been such a horrible time for you, and so humbled that you felt that this was a safe space to share what I know must have been a terrifying confession to yourself as much as us.

Many, many hairpats and hugs and spoons to you.

Thank you, all! It's a scary thing to articulate. I've always prided myself on having 'nads of steel, but they seem to have lit out for the North Pole these last weeks.

I AM going to do some cleaning, but not too much. And serendipitously, a friend emailed me to go get my brows waxed today, which I am going to do, and has promised to lend me a Xanax to do it, since I have been quasi-agoraphobic girl for the last 3 weeks.

Oh Erin, do take care. You have my love and support.

May any time you find yourself fetal and hurting be spent in the most comfortable, comforting, warm, and healing place imaginable. And send our thanks to your Hubby for looking after you.

Erin, love, you are brave and wonderful! The Black Dog lies!

Hang in there, Erin.