Mmmm, chocolate. I think I'm going to have to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch very soon. Except I don't have a mixer any more. Shit. Hmm.
I just had an interview for a job very similar to my next-to-last job. I didn't ask for ~ma because I'm not sure I want it if it's offered to me. It's another non-profit with uncertain funding, it's hourly and less than I made at the others, and no health insurance until maybe July. If the job lasts that long.
Wow, I sound really enthusiastic, huh? Also, they have an internal candidate, so I don't know how good my chances are anyway.
But hey - always good to practice interviewing, and not a bad thing to get to know this ED better in case she hears of something else.
Off to have a mini-potluck with a neighbor. And she's lending me her extra bike indefinitely! Woo hoo! So that's good. And I was very productive today, so yay me.
In a spirit of optimism, I give you Curtis Mayfield - [link]
I really fucking hate this goddamned roller coaster. I'm bawling because I just watched a fictional character on TV give birth, and I am so very angry because that will not be me. I won't have that, and it's not fair. It's all not fair, and I just want it to stop.
I thought I had made peace with the idea. Guess not.
{{{{{Maria}}}}} I'm sorry.
I'm just so tired of it all. I feel like I've found some equilibrium, and bam, it's gone in an instant. I can't make it stop.
Oh Maria, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could say that you won't continue to get sucker punched way too frequently, but I won't lie to you. But I can promise you that you will survive and you will be stronger than ever on the other side. I know you have no clue what lies ahead, but it will get easier. I promise.
What Laura said, Maria. Those blindsides are going to come for a little while, I bet, but just take it one day at a time. Just get through this minute, and don't think about anything else right now.
The emotional roller coaster is why they used to give a year for deep mourning in olden days, and even after a year some sign of mourning was worn. I think people were more allowed to be actively upset back then.
Oh, Maria. The sucker punches are the worst. I'm so sorry, hon. I've ended up keening on the kitchen floor from a This American Life episode that reminded me of a crisis several years past, when I just expected light choretime entertainment.
****
I just waddled back from the neighborfriend's. I supplied the salad (spinach, lettuce, strawberries, raw broccoli stems - she added some avocado) and vinaigrette, steamed broccoli, and fabulous whole local milk (it's pale yellow, for real); she supplied wine, itty bitty filets wrapped in bacon and grilled, and fresh baked oatmeal choc chip cookies from a mix. SO. GOOD. Who needs fancy shit with food this good?
I also introduced her to Animaniacs, so overall it was a fabulous night despite the insane thunderstorms we've been having for five hours straight. My rain boots may be the single best purchase I've made here. Every time it rains there's a puddle four feet by eight feet, several inches deep, right in front of my gate.
ION, StW is being adorable and kind of flirty (for him) over text. That is all.
