I wish to thank you all, bitches, for dramatically improving my life. That discussion about different ways of hanging one's toilet paper? It had never before occurred to me that there was a valid reason for "under" aside from irritating proper over-hanging folks. I altered my toilet paper and Malachi, destroyer of toilet paper, hasn't touched it since! I can leave my bathroom door open and allow full airflow throughout the house. It's like a minor miracle, all from hanging my toilet paper a different way.

My m-i-l did not react well to the news of our house. I need to figure out a way to respond without escalating things further. I do not want to be the adult here.

She's not happy you bought a house?

She's not happy we didn't consult her, and she is not happy we didn't use her husband as our real estate agent. The thing is he works very long days and they're never even available for dinner. If we had used him as our realtor we pretty much would have had to negotiate this process on our own, with him signing off on it. We weren't comfortable with that. We knew she would be upset, but we have been trying for weeks to get together with her to tell her in person, and she never responds. She makes things very difficult, but somehow it always ends up being our fault.

I might delete this later. I'm worried she could somehow find it.

oh good gracious, sj.

you know you made the best set of decisions for your circumstance and you should not feel badly about it. I know it is uncomfortable, but you have approached this whole process reasonably and logically.

You should be commended no matter her feelings.

I know. The thing is, it is always all about her. There is nothing in her e-mail indicating she his happy for us and how exciting this is for us. There is also notably missing any mention of helping us move or paint or anything else that the other parentals have offered us. TCG is understandably upset, which of course makes me mad and want to respond in a vicious way, even though logically I know that will only make things worse.

sj, as someone who has experienced two sets of very difficult in-laws, my best advice is to develop as thick a skin as possible and remain positive, even when you're provoked. Don't engage unless you have to; ultimately this has to be TCG's fight, if he chooses to pursue it. All you can really do is be supportive of his decisions.

I am very sorry. It's a tough place to be, but try not to take it personally. It's not about you; it's about deeper family stuff. Hugs.

sj, as someone who has experienced two sets of very difficult in-laws, my best advice is to develop as thick a skin as possible and remain positive, even when you're provoked. Don't engage unless you have to; ultimately this has to be TCG's fight, if he chooses to pursue it. All you can really do is be supportive of his decisions.

Thanks, Pix. I've been able to develop a thick skin when it comes to myself, but I don't know how to do that wrt how she treats TCG. I can't stand to see him get hurt, especially when he has done nothing wrong. I am going to be the one to respond to the e-mail because TCG can't see past the hurt right now, while I can be a little more objective.

Sj, j have also watched my brother struggle with the same issue. His MIL is not nice to his wife and it's hard for him to see anyone be mean to his wife. So, I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Yeah, I despise the way ND's family treats him, and I totally get the protective instinct. Believe me, I get it. Like the time he drove all the way to San Diego so they could celebrate his 40th birthday and his sister conveniently disappeared when the check came, which meant he got stuck treating his entire family to dinner for his own birthday. Or the time his only niece just didn't show up to our wedding reception. Didn't even send a text. Or the fact that when we both called our parents after the wedding ceremony in Hawaii, none of his family even remembered it was our wedding day. I could go on, but I won't air any more of the dirty laundry--suffice it to say that I am filled with rage on his behalf on a regular basis. But truly, the best thing I can do for him, I've learned, is listen and love him and slowly--with time--show him that family doesn't have to be like that.

Sorry. Don't mean to make this all about us. I just want to share how deeply I understand that fierce desire to protect.