What're you selling, Jen?

I think you're getting stressy because you're conflating selling yourself with your product. And it's is a product, right, not a service.

Also, you're nice and polite and I'm betting, like me, you have a slight horror of putting people out or inconveniencing them.

I'm still working on this myself, but basically, I remind myself that people are grown and can make their own decisions regarding whether or not to hire me or offer assistance, and I just work on being polite and courteous.

I think you have to trust in people's ability to say No, or I don't have time or an interest, and then move on. It's not personal, and if you are polite, most people are going to be just fine with hearing from you, even if they don't buy.

Oh, duh, I should have said... Mary Kay.

I'm betting, like me, you have a slight horror of putting people out or inconveniencing them.

Heh, yes, indeed.

All good thoughts - and, yeah, it's definitely the product and not me, and I do need to remind myself of that. See, I can totally chat with people out in the world; the past decade of retail has given me this ability. And I do sort of enjoy random conversations with strangers, even though I said I don't. I admit it, I'm not quite as introverted as I like to think I am or used to be. Friends have even commented on my behavior out in the wilds being different over the past couple of years.

Like, I randomly compliment clothing, jewelry, shoes... all the things I love to look at (and not in a creepy way!), and it often starts a conversation, but now I feel weirdly icky if I try to turn the convo to my biz to garner a lead.

Before, I was just randomly chatting. Now I feel all predatory. I need to just get over that feeling. Like, if T hadn't approached me (well, through my sister), I never would have found the product, which I genuinely like, and then the business op later on. So there are women out there for whom the same will be true. Not a majority, but some. So I need to just keep doing it.

I think I have some reframing to do to really get this business.

I completely agree with everything Erin said.

Tell us a little bit about what you do, and the sort of outcomes you want. I'd be happy to help with some 'scripting' that might make you feel more comfortable with the verbal part of the program.

You said you love the product. Well, the law of averages would suggest that a lot of other people will too. It's your job to help them get it, right? You are not imposing on anyone by making them aware of a great thing!

Erin is right about trusting people to take care of themselves. It may not be right for them, but they'll remember the product and perhaps send other people your way. Sharing a good thing can never be bad, in my opinion.

So there are women out there for whom the same will be true. Not a majority, but some. So I need to just keep doing it.

Mary Kay? Oh my. You have a TIME TESTED winner there!

What is great about MK, is that there is a solid subculture there that adores the product. (I've thought that the few that I have used over the years were terrific.)

Tapping into that community might help, both in terms of building your confidence that the product really does sell itself, and for getting referrals to warm leads.

I was composing while you posted, bonny, so my post is above yours.

Great thoughts and advice, both, thank you. Bookmarking.

I think that's it - trust The People to make of the offer what they will, and do my job by actually making one. And trust that my comfort level in this area will grow as the business does.

Hee. Crossposted again.

Yeah, I definitely have amazing resources to tap into, bonny. It's just such a different way of "being" for me, if you know what I mean. But, while it's slightly uncomfortable now, I know it's just because it's new. I have to learn how to navigate the waters is all.

Nice to have this thread to come to, I gotta say.

Since the thread is kind of quiet at the mo, can I just take a moment to vent?

Disappointment is the number one impediment in my business life. Of all the available emotions, it is the one I deal least well with and I have it on three fronts right now.

First is a woman I've done really good work for over the years...honestly, helped to completely turn her around in a very, very bad situation.

We got her to a place where she could manage on her own (always my goal) and she 'graduated.'

This week, I get an email asking for a 30 minute session (which I don't do) to talk about a MAJOR transition because she needs help navigating a truly difficult choice.

I write back to say how proud I am of her and that I'm always here for her, and that we can certainly do a one-off session.

She writes back that, Oh NO. I clearly misunderstood her. She just wanted to talk to me 'as a friend.'

In other words, I do a great job, but she doesn't want to pay me for it.

Ugh.

Second, a good friend asked me to meet with his partner over "some pretty deep issues." That, and a recent grief, where leading the partner to 'want to talk to someone.'

I set clear boundaries on the meeting and the partner comes. I'm pretty thrilled to be able to help in any way I can.

Turns out, the partner believes that 'therapy is bullshit' and he's had such bad experiences with past practitioners that this opinion will never change.

So. My life's work is rubbish and I'm in league with the devil.

Okay, you are sitting on my couch for 2 hours, why now?

In the end, I had insulted and hurt him because he just wanted to talk about the funeral but not about himself.

Sigh. He came in expecting a bad outcome and then manufactured one. It was such a circus, it sort of took my breath away.

Lastly, I'm really excited about a new project that I can't wait to tell you all about, but I want to wait until it is fully formed.

One aspect of it is the new website. I found a site I like VERY much and wrote to the owner to find out who created it for her. She said that she built it within her hosting program and thanked me for the compliment.

There are no copyright bugs on it anywhere and the woman is super laid back about it.

I mocked up something similar, but different for my web guy. But he can't seem grasp the simplicity of it.

A friend describes the look as 'spa-like.' Really, REALLY simple and clean.

Every new iteration I get of it has more elements, with no explanation of why they are necessary or desirable. If they are SEO things, or I'd be better off with having them than not, the just TELL ME.

It's not remotely true that this stumbling block should get in the way of the many other things I can and need to do on the project, but this one aggravation has me totally stymied.

Erk. Forgive the free floating whining. It does not good, but I just needed to get it out of my body.

But, while it's slightly uncomfortable now, I know it's just because it's new. I have to learn how to navigate the waters is all.

I'm sure it WILL get easier. Especially once you find a few converts who are willing to tell their friends about your availability.

Do you have a magnet sign on your car? Having a number and area visible can hook those women who love MK but who's distributor went out of business, or who just moved to the area, or similar.

I don't know if the MK apparatus has that sort of thing available...they MUST...but if they don't, you can get pretty good quality signage from vistaprint.com.

I've used them for years and have had roughly 98% success with them.

Vistaprint ALWAYS has these free deals, too.

I got my first set of business cards from them (I have to re-do them, because I revamped the website URL but it's ok -- 500 were $13 with S&H.)

Bonny, you can look at your two darling clients as sunshine and shade! You've completely succeeded in turning around this woman's life, and she had utter trust in you -- she's just a little clueless about the whole "I R a PROFESSIONAL" thing.

I don't know if you've replied, but I would think something along the lines of "I'm so pleased that you contacted me; your trust in me really makes me feel even better about how far you've come and how well we work together. I would really like to help you through this life transition, and look forward to speaking with you. But as you know, coaching is my profession, and it's how I bring home the kibble! But I'd be happy to offer you a special rate for a meeting, since I very much want you continue on your positive path!"

Take $5 off.

Ball's in her court. If she doesn't respond to this, it'll be a valuable life lesson. People are so weird to me - this is like saying to someone, "OOh, I've bought a bunch of your paintings and I love them! I want more! Will you give me one free?"

It'd be different if you'd offered. But Mr. I'm Here Because I Was Dragged...well, not everyone's going to be convinced in the efficacy of therapy. But he WAS there, in your office, and I am positive that talking to you did indeed help him. You did your job, and if he can't see how useful therapy is not, maybe your interaction with him will change his mind. But maybe it won't. And that's ok! You cain't change people's minds all at once, and his opinion of your work doesn't, in any way, invalidate its usefulness.

"OOh, I've bought a bunch of your paintings and I love them! I want more! Will you give me one free?"

Thank you so much for getting this. That is EXACTLY what it feels like. And it happens way too often.

In re: Mr. Dragged. He wasn't though. I checked with him twice before the actual event and one before and after with his partner.

Part of what is so upsetting is that this fellow has infinite respect in another area of life...I officiated his wedding, for goodness sake!

But also, I have had it up to ^ with people saying stuff like "I don't believe in therapy" but then bending my ear for 20 minutes about all their problems and do I think they are crazy, etc.

I have had bad experiences with therapists. REALLY bad experiences, so I get a certain amount of caution...when addressing ANY profession. But, lordy. Unless you want to engage in a rational debate of philosophies, or whatever, don't talk to me if you don't like what I do.

It would be like me telling my plumber about how his industry shafts every single one of their customers and that is why I am not going to pay him for the hour of work he's just done.

Feh.

Also? Erin, you are a doll. I had not responded to the last email from the sunshine lady and I am going to clip your words almost in their entirety.

I really, truly appreciate your help.