I started reading child development books (reading them--not understanding them--I was 4) and making all sorts of plans for my sister's brain. Initially I was against the idea, because I'd wanted that name to use for a doll, but the rest of the principle of a sister was okay.

But I never liked attention in the first place.

eta:

Uh, coconuts? Whose ass can use coconuts?

Perhaps shards of coconuts?

Okay, whose ass can use shards?

Man, back in the day people must have had really unhappy asses.

I do remember hearing something about corncobs and the Pilgrims ...

Okay, whose ass can use shards?

Maybe you'd use the meat of the coconut? And then the milk to wash up? I dunno.

Dammit, this is going to be bugging me all day now.

I know. You'd find someone else and say, "I'll give you this coconut if you wipe my ass for me."

I've always thought personal hygiene issues like that would be a way bigger barrier to enjoying life in some romanticized former era than missing things like the internet or modern transportation.

I do remember hearing something about corncobs and the Pilgrims ...

When I was about four or five, I found a novelty "corncob with an electrical cord" in the bathroom of a relative's house. It freaked me out.

I found a novelty "corncob with an electrical cord" in the bathroom of a relative's house. It freaked me out

My mind is supposed to go where my mind is going, right? Right?

My mother, who grew up before Kleenex, pads and tampons, views paper products as the greatest inventions of the century.