Rape is an act of violence, where sex is used as a tool of intimidation and fear, not the other way around, where desire COMPELS someone to rape another person, based upon their overwhelming sexiness/sluttliness/whathaveyou. If you're talking stranger rape, that's why women, men, and children are systematically raped as a war tactic. That's why 13-year-old girls in South Africa are "correctively raped" to cure their lesbianism. To allow the argument to be framed in terms of sexiness is to begin it in the wrong place already. You're already on the wrong turf.

If a person feels entitled to sex with someone against another person's will, they are going to look for a whole host of excuses to blame the other person, but the notion that (men) can't control their urges around (women) who are dressed a certain way is complete and utter bullshit.

I'd say vulnerability plays a role in rapes that happen in the home, too. When your rapist has a key to your home (for example, when he's your husband or other family member), that makes you pretty vulnerable.

Definitely. Familiarity and access play a big role.

I don't think I have a hope in hell of changing this guy's mind, but the link -t provided had some interesting links, and he's got nothing but the hot air out of his ass. At worst, it's a public shaming.

And, his attitude is "I'm trying to HELP women!" Thanks, dude. With friends like you...

Oh yeah, we're just craving THAT kind of help. Thanks, dude.

I think some of it's simple chance -- opportunity that piggybacks onto something else.

When I got mugged in my apartment (stupid naivete on my part -- left the door unlocked when bringing in a 2nd load of groceries), the dude was all about the benjamins. After I stood with my back pressed against the bedroom door (no lock) arguing with him for about 5 minutes about I just went to the grocery store and was a poor student, I finally opened the door (he was going to force it open anyway), strode to my purse, opened it, gave him the dollar in it, and asked him if he wanted a check.

Then I decided to threaten him with a knife (note: never threaten someone with a knife. Just stab.) and that's when he beat me up a little and decided I needed some rapin'.

I talked him out of it by dint of wearing controltop hose, declaring I was on the rag and bleeding like a stuck pig, and wouldn't he rather have the stereo?

He did.

I think rapists (purist rapists, I guess) have more defined motives than an opportunistic (I guess would be the term?) rapists.

I was dressed in a vintage 60's frock, (it was Halloween, and I was working at Viccy's Secret) no cleavage, full skirt. Not "provocative." Because rape isn't about miniskirts.

It's about imposing your ________ (fill in the blank: rage, powerlessness, misogyny, etc) on someone perceived as either a victim, or someone the rapist wants to place in that victim role, for whatever pathology of theirs.

Erin, that's awful. And go you for talking him out of it -- I don't know how often women succeed in that, it seems like the kind of thing that wouldn't be reported much.

And, his attitude is "I'm trying to HELP women!" Thanks, dude. With friends like you...

Help women by convincing men that rape is wrong, and unless the woman is giving enthusiastic consent they need to back the hell off. What was it Golda Meier said? Something about responding to a rash of rapes by giving the men a curfew?

It's not him of course. It's other men that are helpless in the throes of all these sluttily dressed women. That's just how they are.

I wonder how he knows that's how they are.

Mansplaining rape. That's just so eyerolly I can't even roll my eyes.

Consuela, I think after the arguing and the knife picking-up and the arguing and the control top, and me sticking my hand down my pants and coming up with bloody fingers and saying "No, SMELL IT; I'm so on the rag! It's disgusting!" convinced him I was just too damn much trouble, when all he wanted, really, was some quick cash for a rock.

Convincing people I am Too Damn Much Trouble -- this could be my superpower.

That's really scary, Erin. I'm glad he chose the stereo.

It's about imposing your ________ (fill in the blank: rage, powerlessness, misogyny, etc) on someone perceived as either a victim, or someone the rapist wants to place in that victim role, for whatever pathology of theirs.

V. true. Unfortunately, so often, violence begets violence, and perpetrators are very likely survivors themselves, either of child sexual abuse, rape, DV, sexual assault in prison, or some other violence that fuels that rage, sense of powerlessness, misogyny, etc. Not that that excuses their behavior, either. There are a lot of ways to respond to shit that happens to you, obvs.

ION, just found two camel crickets in my bedroom. Killed one, one got away. How am I supposed to sleep now? It will definitely jump on my face in the night. Definitely.

Damn, Erin.

What is a camel cricket? And why would you say that about it jumping on your face?! God, now I'm not going to sleep.