I'd go for zhu-may, in an exaggerated French accent.

J'aime. Totally.

I had jackfruit today. The guy with the Jamaican guy brought it in. I haven't had it in years and years. We agreed it tasted like fruit. Just like...fruit. Like a smoothie, but solid. It was the fruit of fruits.

I think I told this story in Bitches... my first date off OKC here in NOLA was with a guy who refused to tell me how to pronounce his name. I rattled off six options and he was like, "Yeah, I get called all of those." So you can amuse yourselves imaginging options, it is spelled "Jeme."

I had a student who did that. The first time I hand papers back and call on students by name, I make the best effort I can at pronouncing, and I tell everyone that, if I mispronounce their name, they should please correct me. There was one student with a Chinese name that I knew I pronounced totally wrong, because I had to try three times before he even realized that it was his name I was trying to say. He didn't say anything, though, so I said, "How do you pronounce your name?" and he replied, "You won't be able to say it." I asked again, saying I'd try to get it right, and he just shook his head.

My one Chinese friend's name is a totally jacked-up transliteration, and I know the American version is still not quite right, but she works with it. But I swear I heard her answering her phone with what her name looks like, not what it actually is.

Allyson, that is un-fucking-believable. You need a gastro who not only will give you an MRI, but who will also do an upper GI and possibly a colonoscopy. That’s what my GI did before she diagnosed IBS. Also, DRUGS THAT ACTUALLY WORK.

(My IBS is under control now, so I’m not on those particular good drugs, but even I knew about them. I assumed you were already on them. I can’t BELIEVE it.)

Once in a while they HAVE NO PREFERENCE. You don't care if you are called David or Dave? WTF? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

I prefer Jilli or Jillian to Jill, but that's about it, really. And it has been proven that if someone shouts "Hey Cupcake!" while I am walking, I will stop and turn to figure out if they mean me.

So you can amuse yourselves imaginging options, it is spelled "Jeme."

I would have just called him Frank.

Enough teachers in school would call me by my sister's name that I'll usually turn around if I hear someone say it.

Oh, I do answer to my last name. I wonder if anyone else in my family does. That would be confusing. Luckily my sister eschews Starbucks and their ilk.

Did you look more alike as kids, Hil?