This is very cool. [link] Lots of sound.

I think I'd categorise vanilla as vagina in penis sex (yup, straight only) with no role-playing or fetish-exercising of any sort. At least that's what I was thinking of as I read that piece. Oh, and no toys. Oral is foreplay, never the main event.

I don't really think most people have (only) vanilla sex.

As long as self-congratulatory pieces are being written in Jezebel about it, I don't think pegging is vanilla.

vagina in penis sex

Now that I'd like to see.

OMG, hello brain.

PIV.

vagina in penis sex

For some reason this makes me think of Klein bottles.

I totally agree with the rest of the discussion above, but:

I mean, why can you assume your sexual partner is vanilla?

I'm guessing it's the same way I can assume a guy I'm attracted to is straight? Like, I'll be wrong some of the time but not most of it.

I was lucky enough to see Alice Walker speak last night. Her comment, peripherally relevant to this conversation (quoted from memory):

"When I have sex with lesbians, hey want me to self-define as a lesbian. When I have sex with bisexuals they want me to self-define as bisexual. When I have sex with straight men they want me to self-define as straight. I don't like boxes. I define my sexuality as 'curious'."

I'm guessing it's the same way I can assume a guy I'm attracted to is straight?

I think it's fair to assume most people will have vanilla sex and probably enjoy it, but how do you define vanilla, and do you really think it's reasonable to assume most people are into "just" that?

Then again, I don't assume the men I'm attracted to as straight, although I understand it's the probability.

I think it's fair to assume most people will have vanilla sex and probably enjoy it, but how do you define vanilla, and do you really think it's reasonable to assume most people are into "just" that?

Oh, sure.

I'm still on the question of whether not-vanilla means kinky or just out of the ordinary. Like, I guess pegging is not vanilla?

I think I'd categorise vanilla as vagina in penis sex (yup, straight only) with no role-playing or fetish-exercising of any sort. At least that's what I was thinking of as I read that piece. Oh, and no toys. Oral is foreplay, never the main event.

I don't really think most people have (only) vanilla sex.

No, I don't either, esp. when using your definition.

PIV.

My OB/GYN was unfamiliar with this term when I used it with her. I'm glad to have educated her, but -- really? She's been practicing for at least 18 years, since I've been seeing her since I was out of college. No one has used this term?

vagina in penis sex

For some reason this makes me think of Klein bottles.

I love you people madly.

"When I have sex with lesbians, hey want me to self-define as a lesbian. When I have sex with bisexuals they want me to self-define as bisexual. When I have sex with straight men they want me to self-define as straight. I don't like boxes. I define my sexuality as 'curious'."

I think I've said this before, and I apologize if I'm repeating myself. The term "heteroflexible" unfortunately gets used a lot to mean "Tee hee, I'm a woman who makes out with other women in bars because the men think it's hot!" But that's really the only term that I can apply to myself. I'm honestly not bisexual. And I can't say I'm straight, because my boyfriend is also quite literally my girlfriend (because gender has nothing to do with genitals, which is a discussion I'm happy to have, but not at this exact moment, b/c I have to jump in the shower). With a trans* partner, to call myself straight is both inaccurate and also erases his trans* identity. So -- heteroflexible. But I don't make out with other women because the men think it's hot.

(I will, however, make out with other women if *I* think *they're* hot. It doesn't happen often, though, because -- monogamous. Tim is fine with me kissing women, but not men, as long as he knows about it first. I am fine with Tim kissing men, but not women, as long as I get to watch. Because I am a voyeur like that.)

t edit And let me tell you -- digression -- the monogamy KILLS me some times. I've met only a couple people who have made me very seriously consider a poly lifestyle. But, in the end, I know I am not built for polyamory. I'm unbelievably jealous and possessive, and I don't manage my time well (which is not meant to be funny; sometimes I think the hardest thing about being poly is managing one's time so as to have adequate time for all partners). Fortunately, I am exceedingly, X-ratedly happy with my monogamous partner.