having sex is a normal human thing for a human to want to do, right? Don't many humans who find they DON'T want to have sex often think there's something deeply severely wrong with them?

Uh, yeah, they do. Or, at least, *I* do. Believe me, there are many ways in which I feel broken, and being really indifferent to sexytimes and not wanting progeny are the 2 biggest ones. (Though at least they are complementary atypical life choices. So I've got that going for me.)

Not wanting kids is the same sort of thing. You don't have to do it, and you don't have to want to do it.

Yeah, I do know intellectually that it's okay, that it's my life and my choice and a fine choice for me. But existing in a society where the vast majority has kids (and in general wants them) can still be very very hard.

A tumblr you people might like:

[link]

Compromise is one part of sharing your life with someone but it can also be balanced out by the things you gain. Sure, I now give up controlling the remote and having more than a sliver of the bed and having no one around to challenge my habits. On the other hand, without J I never would have owned a dog, watched "Buffy," gone on motorcycle vacations, had my checkbook balanced down the the penny every month, or started wearing jeans. Without me, he never would have seen "Diva," had his walls painted cool colors, visited the Netherlands or become a freelance writer.

Hell, I am actively trying to have kids, and still sometimes I don't know why people want them. Depending on the day, the idea of having kids is either tremendously exciting or completely terrifying. I really like my life with M now, and I'm scared that having kids is going to pretty much torpedo our peace and comfort together.

Yeah, I do know intellectually that it's okay, that it's my life and my choice and a fine choice for me. But existing in a society where the vast majority has kids (and in general wants them) can still be very very hard.

I can understand that. Does it help at all to know that there are lots of really spectacular people who feel the same way and have made the same decision?

Two of my good friends, a couple, recently told me that they just aren't interested in having kids. It surprised me a bit, because they both really love being around their friends' kids and are totally great with them. But it's just not what they want in their lives. They're happy to be Aunt C and Uncle T to everyone else's kids, and then go home to their cats and their dog and their happy life together. And I have to say I really respect them for knowing how they feel and making that choice. Like Jesse said last night, I am 100% in favor of people who don't want kids not having them.

Is this one of y'all? [link]

still sometimes I don't know why people want them.

Minions! Little sticky minions!

I assume.

HAHAHAHAHA!

That would mean the follow directions, yes?

That would mean they follow directions, yes?

Ah shit, then I'm doing it wrong.

This is actually related to not having kids -- this Girls With Slingshots comic is the last one in a series where Maureen and Jameson are talking about how they're not ready to have kids. And when I read this one, I laughed for about 5 minutes, because if Tim wore a bandana on his head, the comic could be lifted directly from our living room, right down to the Apple laptop and the kitty: [link]

t edit Okay, he also doesn't have a soul patch or that chin scruff. And our couch is brown.

I HAVE kids and I still don't know if I want them sometimes. Being responsible for other humans' lives? HUGE. But I think for all the pulling-out-your-hair moments and abject terror, there are a lot of wonderful things about raising kids that outweighs it. I'm pretty sure someone or something set it up that way, too, or a lot of parents wouldn't make it through the first year.

But I did learn my limits pretty quickly. Two kids in diapers? Not happening. More than the three I have, widely spaced? A really bad idea.

There is pressure -- there's still a huge expectation that you date (the opposite sex), you get married, you have children, you eventually move to the suburbs. And that has been changing for a long time. Society at large is just slow to catch on, as usual.

Take pleasure in your life, Steph, and do what you can to remind yourself of all the reasons your choice is absolutely right for you. In the end, what other people think is always their problem.

Oops. Left out a word.