As wiser and more articulate folks have said upthread, other people having a shitty time doesn't make your pain any less valid. You're allowed to be unhappy, and please don't beat yourself up about it.

YES. THIS. Maria, my darling, you are allowed to be unhappy. Trust me. If you let yourself just actually BE unhappy for a little bit, instead of thinking, oh, something like "Other people are having a worse time than me, I shouldn't feel this way", then it becomes possible to move past the unhappy and the feeling stuck.

(These are concepts my therapist is trying to pound into my head. They're finally starting to stick, just a little bit.)

I wish we had a kind of a shorthand for:

I realize that the problem I am having in no way compares to people who are starving, being tortured, watching a loved one suffer in horrible pain, or are otherwise living under a tarp in a heap of trash. Those people have problems that I'm not sure I could ever handle. The problem that I am having right now is scaring the hell out me right now, and while I am putting it in the context that I understand fully that I am not in danger of homelessness or imminent death, I just need some comfort so my stomach will stop hurting and I can be a little less afraid.

I would call this shorthand the Fucking Perspective Clause (FPC) so that I can invoke it without having to qualify my fears and needs for a bit of compassion with a long drawn out explanation of how much fucking perspective I actually have before asking for the above described comfort.

I do this thing. I have a hard time asking for help or comfort before I get to the point where I'm on the ledge. And then I feel so awful for the near hysterical tone I have and need to apologize to everyone for just asking for a little bit of cheer or advice.

I would call this shorthand the Fucking Perspective Clause (FPC) so that I can invoke it without having to qualify my fears and needs for a bit of compassion with a long drawn out explanation of how much fucking perspective I actually have before asking for the above described comfort.

This is a BRILLIANT idea. Yes, we need this sort of thing.

Allyson, I am so happy about your car situation finally being resolved!

I feel like there's something DEEPLY, severely wrong with me that I don't want kids.

I'm nobody's model for mental health, but I've never been interested in having kids. I'm bewildered that anyone wants to do that in the same way I'm bewildered that anyone wants to ride roller coasters; I understand intellectually that people enjoy it, but wow, every part of it looks like torture.

I'd like to have a vaguely sane romantic relationship before I die, but I suspect that might require me to have some kind of fundamentally transformative experience that I wouldn't enjoy very much.

Hey, I call you for a bit of compassion now and again. You do alright.

On the mental health, you mean? I don't think empathy is the sticking point as much as basic socialization.

{{Maria}} I can't say anything more eloquent than what other Buffistas above have said, especially since I just woke up, but my heart is going out to you.

Stephanie, I'm so glad things have worked out for you!!

Allyson, I'm so glad about your car.

Blargh. 8:00 meeting. This means I have to get out of bed, right?

{{Maria}}

Allyson, I don't exactly know why you're afraid to have a child at 38, but I had K at 41 without any problems (I don't even have stretch marks, which is a miracle of good genes, not miracle creams). I went into it quite afraid from the stories society told me about my biological clock, but I had an OB with a average patient age of 37 at delivery and she put things in context for me.

My thanks to those of you that have tweeted/facebooked about the most recent Sassafras sighting - she actually walked into someone's house on Sunday, but the woman was so surprised she didn't get the doors closed. The DH was out with the tracker last night, and we'll pick it up again tonight to see if she goes right back to the American U. neighborhood where she's been before.

You are all extraordinary. What a marvellous thread to wake up to. Thank you.

After invoking the FPC, I would like to whine, "I'm sooo sick." My lungs are full of gunk and there are tiny jackhammers being operated in my sinuses. All the things I haven't gotten done loom much larger when I can't do them. And I absolutely, positively have to be well by Saturday to do my volunteer stuff at the book festival.

eta: Also, I have the attention span of a mayfly. Sass! Let the people help you!