I feel somehow deeply ashamed, because, my hand to God, we really did neither jack nor shit to potty train her. Her daycare provider did it all M-F 8-6, starting when Matilda was younger than I would even have thought of starting, and then one evening when Hec picked Matilda up she said, "Oh, maybe you should get her a training potty for your place. I think she's ready."

As a point of interest - purely academic, you understand - at what age are we talking?

Yikes! In the interest of science and their well-being, I urge you to dress one like an Ewok and the other like a Dalek.

At least the Ewok will have empirical evidence to back up the complaints that "you loved the other one best!"

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I mean it in a helpful way.

I hardly posted this last year because I was very depressed. My marriage of 11 years was falling apart. I was sick with indecision and worry about what was right for my kids and so on. And then, just days after we made an official decision to get divorced, I did one crazy, irresponsible thing that led to me getting knocked up by a guy who I thought at least cared about me in some small way but turned out to not at all. It was very Buffy/Angel the morning after.

It was a horrible time and I felt like such a huge failure. Like I was 37 and my life had amounted to nothing. I had two amazing kids but I was likely to screw that up any day.

And somehow, things have turned around. I am excited and happy about this baby, looking forward to my future, happy my business is going to earn me enough to support myself and the kids, and finally feeling free after years of feeling stuck.

So, sometimes life seems really shitty and then, it can turn on a dime. Which is not intended to minimize anyone else's problems but to say that, at least in my case, it got easier in ways I never expected sooner than I ever expected.

Mmm. Just finished Apple Pan dinner with Scola. I hope my directions to Pasadena were good.

But you have to think of the poor twins. Not only do they have two psychologists for parents (even one is too much of a burden for any kid), they are identical twins with two parents who study identical twins for a living. Only time will tell if they can overcome this hardship.

they will be GLORIOUS.

Maria, you have had a shitty year. Just because someone else's year was made of explosive diaherra doesn't make yours not a poop-based structure.

And you deserve so much more. You are wonderful and awesome, and helped save our Allyson just this last week!

bt, very early two-ish, IIRC.

Oh, Maria, dear. You are so utterly not ordinary, and dear God you have absolutely zero need to apologize or even minimize the shitty year you are struggling through or how thoroughly you deserve every drop of the ocean of love and empathy the Buffistas are pouring out on you. If we had the power to make your life be what you deserve it to be, we would.

I mean, holy crap. In the middle of all the burdens you're staggering through, you took the time just this week to extend yourself for Allyson and move people who were total strangers to her to do the impossible--obviously partly because they're decent people and they could see at once that Allyson was being jerked around for absolutely no reason, but I'm sure at least in part because it was you who were asking.

Seriously, I can only hope to be as ordinary as you when I grow up.

GROUP HUG EVERYONE!!

I had stuff to say, but none of it is very important. You all did inspire me yesterday to wash all my dishes and get a lot of the kitchen cleaned.

We leave on vacation (long weekend) in 2 days and I have a pretty full fridge. I need to really cook some of that up and freeze it somehow. I did start packing tonight, so at least something is done. I am trying to just pack one backpack each.

There are lots of other people having shittier years than I am.

It's not a zero-sum game, love. Your year is being pretty damn DAMN shitty. No apologies necessary.

I wanted to say something kind of cheesy but true which is that being a damned good friend can be extraordinary.

Mmm. Just finished Apple Pan dinner with Scola.

Did you have pie?

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I mean it in a helpful way.

It is helpful. Truly. It's just my own inability to reconcile what my life was supposed to be with what it actually is. The best way to put it is that I feel stuck, and I don't know how to un-stick myself, or even if I can. I really, really hope I get to where you're at, Stephanie.

You all are really fabulous, but sometimes I wonder if you're actually seeing *me*, 'cause I sure as hell don't see what you're seeing.

Oh, god, I just need to shut up. Rick, this may not be your subspecialty, but you must be having a field day.

This is why I've avoided alcohol lately. It turns me into a needy, whiny, self-absorbed being.