I totally hear that Steph. I don't really want kids, but I understand the desire for a family that you've created yourself.

I don't really have a lot of pressure to have kids. (My parents have their one, precious grandson.) And since neither of my older sisters had kids, the precedent was set.

Jam is done. It's very jammy and sweet. I guess it's okay. I think I would try a more spicy recipe next time. I keep making jam, but I don't like it all that much.

It makes me feel like a failure as a woman and a human.

If you are, I am, baybee! I think it's part of our early womanhood church conditioning that makes us feel that way, Tep. When I was fifteen, I told some random guy on the beach that all I wanted to do was get married and have kids. (Which he took to mean, I wanted to have sex right then in the beach showers, but whatevs.) But I really believed that at the time, because that's what everyone around me was supposed to want.

But hey, life came along and you know what? Mine is pretty fucking awesome, and I couldn't have had kids and had it. Sometimes I feel regretful about it, but not all that often. I like who I am, I like my partner, I like my career, I like my home. I don't have to have kids to be complete or feel fulfilled or any of that bullshit.

We made an informed decision not to have kids and we take specific precautions so that we can execute that plan. If something happened and those precautions failed and I got pregnant, I'd make a damn lot of changes in my life, and I also think we'd be kickass parents. But I have chosen not to be a parent, and I'm totally happy with that.

Er, which is to say, I'm aware of your ongoing IBS issues, and was wondering if that's why you've lost weight.

Bingo. Eating usually ends in pain. So I don't eat very much.

I've tried to convince myself that I didn't want to be a mom, ever. I put up a good front. I have a hard time being around friends with kids, and sometimes talking to my own niece and nephew on the phone gives me a lump in my throat.

I never ever wanted kids. Even in my childish fantasies, I got married very late, to someone who had grown kids. I am not sure that this will happen, because, unlike Allyson's version of compromise, at this point I am actually unwilling to compromise at all in my personal life. I spend two whole jobs compromising and trying to help people get along, and when I get home, I want it my way. Since I am just naturally a people pleaser, I think that means that right now I need to be by myself. Everyone I have ever dated has liked this persona, not the real me. Perhaps in my 40's I will be able to bring them together and be more real me on the outside and someone might end up liking that,

I do worry about being old alone, because it is difficult, and my family is not that healthy. But my BFF comes from an incredibly long line of very long lived people. Her mother at 75 is far more healthy and youthful than mine at mine at 65. And she has kids, and her family traditionally takes care of the old so I am sort of counting on them to be there.

In other news, there are somehow 7 billion flys in my apartment. They keep making their way to the computer screen because it is the only light on. It is a little disconcerting. I have killed 8 in the past half hour.

I can't seem to get myself together enough to experiment to see if there are particular foods, in addition to stress, which is the most obvious cause of my IBS. When my intestines are really revolting, I can only face things like ice cream.

We made an informed decision not to have kids and we take specific precautions so that we can execute that plan. If something happened and those precautions failed and I got pregnant, I'd make a damn lot of changes in my life, and I also think we'd be kickass parents.

If I got pregnant, Tim would be a splendid dad. One of the reasons his marriage ended was because his ex-wife told him she never, EVER wanted to have kids with him. And I think that scarred him enough that he won't consider it now. That alone makes me hope I never meet her in person, because I would bust out the pinky of death.

He's said once in all the time we've been together that he doesn't want kids, and otherwise just doesn't talk about it. (I don't bring it up either, though that's because of my own indifference to reproducing.) I won't insult him by saying I think he's kidding himself and *does* want kids, but I will say that I'm pretty sure he wanted them before his ex-wife fucked with his head.

Anyway. If our obsessive multiple methods of birth control (well, only 2, but one is an IUD, and I would be impressed with any kid that could McGuyver its way around THAT...although I'm suddenly horrified that, if ANY kid could do so, it would be Tim's kid) failed, I'm reasonably sure we'd have the kid and raise it in the ways of Batman and semi-colons.

I'm happy with my choice, and my life, but I can't pretend it isn't hard to reconcile in the face of most people's eventual reproduction.

Also, relatedly, my IBS-type issues (not formally diagnosed) make me not want to date. Please excuse me while I use the toilet 10 times a day and swell up like an Ethiopian child!

My older sister decided very early that she didn't want kids. I've respected her a great deal for that--she knows exactly what she wanted out of life and she and her husband accepted the fact that they simply were not going to make the commitment of time, energy and resources to reproduce. They're a great aunt and uncle. They like kids--they just didn't want them. Best. Decision. For. Them.

My twin has gone through multiple miscarriages and two years of fertility treatments to get her baby. Again, best decision. For. Her.

Does she understand that story starts with the creation of the earth?

I think she and Owen have been having conversations. He knows that some people "think God invented the world." And he has a friend who prays to Jesus who then tells Santa what to give him for Christmas so I think he's embraced Magical Thinking. I'm going to stick to the cultural aspects without delving too deeply into the spiritual part just yet.

I'm better off to keep it simple. Olivia wanted to know how babies came out of their mommy's tummy but has never asked how they get in. I am greatly relieved for now.

Yeah, I don't believe in that"pot for every lid" or "you'll find someone when you stop looking" magical thinking bullshit but I do know that you NEVER know what will happen. I could not have imagined meeting and then freaking marrying someone as awesome as Bob when I was 38! But 3 years later here I am! And, yeah, we've compromised and adjusted our lives hugely to be together but I never compromised on wanting to be with someone who is as fun to be with as my best friends are! (That was my "high" standard when I was single.)

My best friend in CA who was also single for years also just got married, she met her dude pretty soon after I met Bob, and she's two years older than me and they are perfect for each other.

You really just never know!!

I've tried to convince myself that I didn't want to be a mom, ever. I put up a good front. I have a hard time being around friends with kids, and sometimes talking to my own niece and nephew on the phone gives me a lump in my throat.

Yeah, I have been there. And really still am sometimes. Being the age I am. The odds being what they are. I've often thought that my life would be a lot easier (emotionally anyway) if I 100% never wanted kids ever.

I can't seem to get myself together enough to experiment to see if there are particular foods, in addition to stress, which is the most obvious cause of my IBS.

I don't think there was any particular food, for me, that triggered it. I still can't suss it out, though the worst flares have been in the summer. I don't know what to make of THAT.

And I can't say that my IBS was a mistaken diagnosis, and it was gluten intolerance all along, because I still have IBS problems now that I avoid gluten.