I can't seem to get myself together enough to experiment to see if there are particular foods, in addition to stress, which is the most obvious cause of my IBS. When my intestines are really revolting, I can only face things like ice cream.

We made an informed decision not to have kids and we take specific precautions so that we can execute that plan. If something happened and those precautions failed and I got pregnant, I'd make a damn lot of changes in my life, and I also think we'd be kickass parents.

If I got pregnant, Tim would be a splendid dad. One of the reasons his marriage ended was because his ex-wife told him she never, EVER wanted to have kids with him. And I think that scarred him enough that he won't consider it now. That alone makes me hope I never meet her in person, because I would bust out the pinky of death.

He's said once in all the time we've been together that he doesn't want kids, and otherwise just doesn't talk about it. (I don't bring it up either, though that's because of my own indifference to reproducing.) I won't insult him by saying I think he's kidding himself and *does* want kids, but I will say that I'm pretty sure he wanted them before his ex-wife fucked with his head.

Anyway. If our obsessive multiple methods of birth control (well, only 2, but one is an IUD, and I would be impressed with any kid that could McGuyver its way around THAT...although I'm suddenly horrified that, if ANY kid could do so, it would be Tim's kid) failed, I'm reasonably sure we'd have the kid and raise it in the ways of Batman and semi-colons.

I'm happy with my choice, and my life, but I can't pretend it isn't hard to reconcile in the face of most people's eventual reproduction.

Also, relatedly, my IBS-type issues (not formally diagnosed) make me not want to date. Please excuse me while I use the toilet 10 times a day and swell up like an Ethiopian child!

My older sister decided very early that she didn't want kids. I've respected her a great deal for that--she knows exactly what she wanted out of life and she and her husband accepted the fact that they simply were not going to make the commitment of time, energy and resources to reproduce. They're a great aunt and uncle. They like kids--they just didn't want them. Best. Decision. For. Them.

My twin has gone through multiple miscarriages and two years of fertility treatments to get her baby. Again, best decision. For. Her.

Does she understand that story starts with the creation of the earth?

I think she and Owen have been having conversations. He knows that some people "think God invented the world." And he has a friend who prays to Jesus who then tells Santa what to give him for Christmas so I think he's embraced Magical Thinking. I'm going to stick to the cultural aspects without delving too deeply into the spiritual part just yet.

I'm better off to keep it simple. Olivia wanted to know how babies came out of their mommy's tummy but has never asked how they get in. I am greatly relieved for now.

Yeah, I don't believe in that"pot for every lid" or "you'll find someone when you stop looking" magical thinking bullshit but I do know that you NEVER know what will happen. I could not have imagined meeting and then freaking marrying someone as awesome as Bob when I was 38! But 3 years later here I am! And, yeah, we've compromised and adjusted our lives hugely to be together but I never compromised on wanting to be with someone who is as fun to be with as my best friends are! (That was my "high" standard when I was single.)

My best friend in CA who was also single for years also just got married, she met her dude pretty soon after I met Bob, and she's two years older than me and they are perfect for each other.

You really just never know!!

I've tried to convince myself that I didn't want to be a mom, ever. I put up a good front. I have a hard time being around friends with kids, and sometimes talking to my own niece and nephew on the phone gives me a lump in my throat.

Yeah, I have been there. And really still am sometimes. Being the age I am. The odds being what they are. I've often thought that my life would be a lot easier (emotionally anyway) if I 100% never wanted kids ever.

I can't seem to get myself together enough to experiment to see if there are particular foods, in addition to stress, which is the most obvious cause of my IBS.

I don't think there was any particular food, for me, that triggered it. I still can't suss it out, though the worst flares have been in the summer. I don't know what to make of THAT.

And I can't say that my IBS was a mistaken diagnosis, and it was gluten intolerance all along, because I still have IBS problems now that I avoid gluten.

I still can't suss it out, though the worst flares have been in the summer. I don't know what to make of THAT.

More fresh produce? I can't speak to IBS, but I know it's often harder to digest.

"you'll find someone when you stop looking" magical thinking bullshit

I think what truth there is behind this comes from the fact that often -- though not always -- when someone is looking, they can come off as desperate, which is not very attractive. But when thy "stops looking," there can be an attitudinal change from not seeming desperate.

Obviously this isn't true for everyone who is looking for a partner; lots of people are looking for partners and know what they want but aren't *desperate.*

I still can't suss it out, though the worst flares have been in the summer. I don't know what to make of THAT.

More fresh produce? I can't speak to IBS, but I know it's often harder to digest.

Ah, if only. I am shamefully lax when it comes to eating veggies. Though I probably *do* eat more fresh fruit... Hmmm. That might be it! Although fiber is actually very helpful with IBS, so you'd think the increased fiber would make the innards chill out.

Huh. Yeah, I don't know.

Man, I wish I still lived in NYC sometimes. Like when I read the following tweet from my boyfriend George Pelecanos:

I'll be reading from The Cut in NYC tomorrow night (8/31) at B&N, 150 E 86th St, 7 pm, with Laura Lippman. Come out and support bookstores.