Crap. I just burned a pot of rice and think I destroyed a stockpot. Time to stop talking like I can cook things!

I have zero desire to watch the VMAs.

But Beyonce is pregnant!

I'm not watching, just Twitter exploded. And since it's also confirmed by her rep on People, I assume it's true?

I'm not invested, I was looking for racing info.

Bon bon - try lots and lots of ice cused and salt. Kosher if you have it. Dump all the ice in and then cover it with ice and swish it a lot.

This sounds amazing. Did the salsa come out well? This really beats sandwich from Ralphs.

Pretty well, considering I was just tossing stuff in it. I chopped up garlic, tomatoes, red onion, a bit of poblano pepper, a small sweet pepper, a serrano pepper, cilantro, and put some lime juice and salt in it.

Do I win at irrelevance?

I just need the Beastie Boys to win video of the year. Then I can have another year of feeling like I'm not completely in Old Land. I am marking my relevance by the ability of my favorite musicians to remain relevant.

• pitiful sobs*

Also, I went to the laundromat this morning because it was over 100 degrees and I had three loads and I wanted to get it done in one shot before noon. It was prime aging hipster time. Faded tats, flip flops, and 10 year Narcotics Anonymous chips.

because I've had that since we got married and never get to play it!

You should invite Matilda. She loves playing Apples to Apples and turns it into a very dadaesque exercise.

Bon bon - try lots and lots of ice cused and salt. Kosher if you have it. Dump all the ice in and then cover it with ice and swish it a lot.

I used barkeepers friend? Everything will just taste charred for a little bit.

If anyone is dvring the vmas, I'd love a copy.

I think the best part of this particular performance [link] is Justin Bieber's deer in the headlights expression when they cut to him.

I have to get up at 3am to call my sister's boss in France.

I'm a little mad about it. I'm glad to help her out, but it shouldn't even be necessary. My sister shouldn't be having to do anything at all about his properties. She's his VP, not his personal assistant, though he treats her like she is.

Her boss is the owner of a multimillion-dollar company headquartered in Germany, with a US branch which my sister runs for him. He is French and married to a German woman; they have houses in both countries as well as here. He went off for his summer vacation (that is, the whole month of August) in Europe without making any arrangements for anyone to check on his two houses here while he was away. He assumed my sister would take care of everything, as she always does. He has not been answering his phone. His wife did answer the phone before Irene arrived, but did not seem to grasp the importance of the situation.

He needs to be made aware of the damage to his houses before the insurance company calls him, so he'll know what to tell them. The insurance company would not talk to my sister, of course, because she isn't the policyholder. She can't reach him because her phone is out and she can't make international calls on her cellphone.

So I have to get up at 3am to call him at 9am his time, probably to catch him before he heads out on his daily adventure and is incommunicado all day. I get to (a) bear the bad news of the damage, (b) impress upon him that he needs to take notes and be clear about what the damage is when he talks to the insurance company, and (c) try not to rip him a new one for leaving all this on my sister, who is 62 and has a heart condition, and has her own house to take care of.

She didn't need to spend all day today driving around checking on his house and his OTHER house for him. He owns at least five houses and takes vacations all over the world; he can't hire a caretaker for these properties while he's away? She's over at his house all the time, doing yardwork and making sure things are okay. He isn't paying her for this. It won't even occur to him to say thank you. The other day she told me she gave herself a raise the last time she sent the payroll in, because she felt she deserved it. (She does.) She told me he hadn't given her a raise in FIFTEEN YEARS, which is about as long as she's been managing his American multimillion-dollar business and his American affairs for him. I was livid. She handles EVERYTHING for this guy. And he just wanders off to play, expecting her to take care of things. He does this all the time, except this time there was a hurricane while he was gone.