I would eat more oatmeal but it's hard to eat it at work. I could bring in instant, and use the hot water tap in our water cooler. There's also the tricky no eating at your desk rule at my work. Lots of people in my section do eat their desk, since we don't have any valuable records, but we have to find it from the nosep parkers that we work with who report every little thing.

I too love the garden posts.

Nice visit with T. As I suspected, the stress and drama was about a boy. But not from the boy. Basically, there was a parental-child communication breakdown about her relationship to that older boy (T feels she's pretty much at fault for that,) a hickey, a red-alert parental meltdown on account of said hickey, more failures of parent-child communication and T just getting overwhelmed by all of it and a little unsure as to what to do with all this. We talked, we laughed, talked about time and friends and understanding. Basically, the thing that would ratchet down her parents' reaction is MEETING SAID BOY. And she came around to that. And some other stuff.

And the funny thing is, the reason parents never met boy earlier? Because T and his schedules were so packed with academics and their University jobs, they couldn't find a time when everyone was around. So it was put off easily (cause really, I can't imagine many a teen looks forward to that meeting, especially not T, knowing her parents. I could picture it) and then everyone melted down and it became a Much Bigger Deal. Heh.

She's a good kid. She just needed a peptalk from someone she trusts who is not radiating disapproval. She could hear it from me, not her parents. Funny how that works.

I managed to put her in stitches when I imagined aloud the thoughts that ran through her parents' minds when they saw the hickey (which she hadn't even noticed.) I count that a win.

Rushing to the end to apologize whole-heartedly for an ignorant reference I made earlier.

And by ignorant, I mean ignoramus.

I had no idea I was being offensive, which makes it no less offensive.

I have endeavored to educate myself and will never make that mistake again. I beg pardon from everyone offended.

bonny, it appears that it's not necessarily a terrible term to use - although if Liese and ita don't like it then obviously it is offensive to some. But I'd never heard the term and just looked it up. Asian filmmakers helped to make this: [link]

Would they have been happy to use the term as a title for a doucmentary they were involved in if it was an offensive term? Interesting debate, anyway.

(I am headed off to a movie, and am not trying to post and run. Will definitely look in later to converse)

I figure, if the term is offensive to members of a community I respect, that is enough for me. It must surely be offensive to others and is not worth the risk.

I save my purposeful offenses for other things!

I understand. I just don't want you to berate yourself.

Would they have been happy to use the term as a title for a doucmentary they were involved in if it was an offensive term?

That's assuming a lot - it's extremely unlikely that the film had it's final title in place at the time the interviews were done, and there's no way to know if they were happy with the title or not once the film came out.

Aw, thanks. I won't lie, my heart fell into my stomach in an 'oh god, what have I done' way. With liese's comment I said, "Oh no, THAT's what I've done," and careened off to research.

I hate making mistakes like this, but I know myself well enough to know my intent and ability to adapt. So, yes, I feel bad for not knowing, but now I do and won't make the mistake again.

I'm, frankly, still smarting over the most racist mistake I've ever made and that one dates back to 1995. While living in Denmark, I got a letter from my mom, Niki, who sent me a bunch of articles and cartoons from home. She was thrilled to be sharing the experience with me and sent one of those single panel cartoons, probably because it include the word, "Danish."

It featured a couple of Viking giants chatting. One has two tiny people clutched in his grasp. "I went out and got us some Danish for breakfast," he says.

I chuckled because it was cutely drawn and made a play on words. Puns are Niki's favorite things.

In an unbelievably insensitive gesture, I showed it to my housemates without a second thought. Isn't this cute?

Right. Let's joke about being brutalized as a nation.

It still hurts my heart to think of what they must have thought of me. And Americans who think such things are funny.

Eh, it's not just Americans who do stuff like that, knowingly and unknowingly. Not by a long shot.

Absolutely true, but the only behavior (and knowledge), over which I have control, is mine.

I don't mind offending people who hurt others within my sight or influence, but an entire race of people? That's not me to the degree that I can help it.