I'm making beef stew. It seems OK, but like it would benefit from a can of tomatoes, except I don't want that much more stew! Ah well. I will eat my adequate stew, and like it.

Sounds like dominance stuff to me!

You can't train them, obvs, but they may be being worse with you in order to assert dominance.

I don't know a heck of a lot about dogs, not having one myself, but one thing I have seen Victoria Stillwell ("It's Me or the Dog", Animal Planet) do to assert dominance is to pretend to eat some of the food from their dishes before putting the dishes down in front of them. Pack leader eats first, so if you are not having a meal at their meal times, you act like you are eating some of theirs, make a big show of it.

Whale DP and one ton testicles.

msbelle, it is true that you won't be able to change the behaviors that the dogs' people tolerate in their home...which is sad. Frantic energy like that is not happy energy.

The best method for calming the dogs when you are around is to make them work for everything. The sitting suggestion Trudy made is a good one. If they know commands like sit/down/sit/down, etc. it will go a long way toward making the dogs want to listen to you.

The key is to not stimulate the behaviors you don't want. For instance, the jumping toward your head behavior is understandable (it's what puppies do to lead dogs) but not acceptable. If you turn and walk away from that energy...stand in a corner with your arms crossed, looking up and contemplating the meaning of life, or whatever...it will be confusing to the pooches and cause them to try a number of things to regain your attention. Be SUPER patient and wait until they are both calm and, basically, ignoring you. THEN pet them.

Two older clients called me in to help them stop their two large dogs from nearly knocking them down when they came hope. We fixed the jumping problem with the above technique in roughly 10 minutes. Every time I bump into them on the street they thank me!

Also, a way to get the non-sitter to comply is to put a tasty treat near his nose and then move it up, toward his forehead. As his nose follows the treat, he will be forced to put his bum down.

As soon as he does sit, mark the success with a YES! or GOOD SIT! He will learn that putting his bum down means something good is going to happen.

Unfortunately, the rough play and pooping in the house are not things you can do anything about. These take time and consistency. The energetic one needs a backpack or some other form of exercise enhancement to drain off that crazy energy that is coming out in destructive ways.

I don't know what to make for dinner. Since I came down with this cold, I've been getting hungry but have no appetite, insofar as nothing sounds good but tastes fine when I finally eat it.

I've been looking for shoes (this is Dana's fault, BTW) to buy, but I can't find any heels I like that are: a) available in my size, b) a color other than black, and c) under 3". I ended up ordering flats: [link]

Whale DP and one ton testicles.

As the comments note, it's more fun to watch Isabella Rossellini's Green Porno on Whale Sex.

Those are adorable, shrift. I love the detail.

What the hell, Freschetta? Never before have I cooked an oven pizza that didn't smell good. Even those cheap-ass Tortino's pizzas are mouth watering while they're baking.

Oh no! I just bought one of those, too.