Huh. This malaise I feel - not wanting to go outside even though it is above freezing and semi-sunny - is post holiday let-down, isn't it?

WS, it sounds like it. I'm feeling it too. I'm sad to be heading home.

Ugh, Shir. I suspect you will get a lot of that over time. But, to my way of thinking, inspiring yahoos like that to take the trouble to write to you means you are succeeding in shining a light on the problem.

Save all the asshat replies in a separate folder and use them as the control group portion of the anthology book you write next year. You will make a fortune! That'll show 'em.

I love you people.

And I also love this video: [link]

I've got it too. Dreading work tomorrow.

mini-rant: 2nd day this week a full pot of my coffee was tossed down the drain. Apparently my father's been doing it because it's "in the way". The machine was moved by my visiting brother and that somehow put it on my father's radar. Now moving it back where it was isn't good enough. He's decided that if I leave a pot of coffee on the coffeemaker, it's fair game for tossing. It has nothing to do with logic. He literally said "'Cause it's my house." Which means, I guess that I'll either (a) not be having coffee (b) run up a bill going out for coffee or (c) take my coffee machine up to my room and make it up there, hoping no one objects to me having an appliance in my room. He suggested putting it in a thermos but it's a lot harder for me to clean a thermos than to clean a coffee pot. The funny thing is that he leaves his shit EVERYWHERE and drives my mom crazy. Yet suddenly he's a neat freak if it comes to an appliance on the counter?

ION, I'm getting closer to getting this bonus EP done. I'm not totally satisfied with it but I've run out of time to tinker and still have any kind of holiday promotion.

Good lord, Spidra. That's justifiable homicide, right there. Only a fool gets between a woman and her caffeine.

I'm a little less depressed. No thanks to all'a y'all, not tapdancing or nothin'. But I took a nap, and now Serenity is on.

I'm thinking I'll turn it off, though, before Book... you know. 'Cause that part's depressing.

Spidra cannot believe the continuing story of what they are putting you through.

I'm glad you're feeling a little better, Zen.

Luckily, I'm not addicted to caffeine. But I don't have a big monthly income so tossing $8 of coffee down the drain means more to me than it does to him. It also pisses me off that it was my visiting brother (Golden Boy) moving the pot (and using my coffee beans) that brought this on. He doesn't get yelled at, I do.

I asked my mom if Dad was in a mood. She said not especially. I said, "Well, that seemed to come out of left field so I was wondering if something has put him in a mood." She said one of my other brothers had had a fit during T-day because a suit he'd left here to be picked up by Golden Boy had had its pants go missing and she thought he must be transferring some of that anger on to me. Lucky me.

I'm definitely wishing I had not moved here as it's almost sure to make the relationship with my parents worse than it is and it is also kicking the shit outta my self-esteem. I'm not sure how I would have made things work up there. Perhaps if I'd known exactly how bad this would be, I could have at least looked at Section 8 a year ago and maybe have applied before the waiting list closed.

On days like this it's not hard to be sure that I should get out of here. But on days that are more tranquil, I begin to fool myself that maybe things could be different. Which is pretty much what I've done my whole life, I guess. Despite knowing that I have to get out of here and knowing how hard that will be if I don't find a way to make a living despite the disablity, I'm still scared about going back to VO without taking a lot of refresher classes and having a mentor. So I keep putting that off although I really shouldn't.

One of the potentially good things about my current situation is that if I try to build a clientele and work freelance, I might make enough $ to throw me off SSDI. If I were living by myself, I'd be on the street. But if I am living here, I think they wouldn't throw me in the street if I could no longer pay rent regularly due to being thrown of SSDI before I had worked VO into a steady sufficient stream of income yet. Or maybe I'm dreaming.