Barb, are you feeling any better today?

A little, I think. I vented all over poor Lewis and he brought home Chinese food because, as he said, "It seemed as if you wanted food to just magically appear."

Which, actually... I wasn't planning on eating at all, because I didn't think I was hungry, but I was. And food magically appeared. He's really the best, for putting up with my neurotic writer ass.

And you know, I really hate being such a cliché. I mean, I know, logically and intellectually, that everything I'm stressing over is something that I cannot control. I've done what I can. I wrote the best book I could, at that time. (Of course now, I torture myself because I know I could even write it better.) and all I can do is sit back and let nature take its course, as it were.

Of course, not having another contract at the moment also leaves me fretting inside my own head too much (see above: what I can do to myself being far worse than anything anyone can say). I want to keep getting better as a writer, I want to sell well, I want critical approbation and to get starred reviews and appear on "Best of" lists, even though those are all just subjective and aren't really a reflection on how well I can write.

I don't know... I know I'm good at what I do. And while I have no illusions of being the next Toni Morrison or Isabel Allende or Michael Chabon, I at least want to be really good.

Welcome to pre-release day jitters, Barb style. Oy. Y'all can feel free to take me out back behind the woodshed and kick the shit out of me for being a whiny git.

Barb, don't be so hard on yourself, you have every right to have the pre-release jitters, although I am hoping they are completely unjustified and you are going to be smashing success. I'm glad your hubby was wise enough to know what you needed and to see that you got it.

Now I'm at about 230#, and it seems like all the extra weight is in my belly.

Matilda likes to compliment me on my belly size, as if I were some Diamond Age industrialist and a solid belly presence was a sign of health and prosperity.

I don't actually take the compliment as intended.

I want to keep getting better as a writer, I want to sell well, I want critical approbation and to get starred reviews and appear on "Best of" lists, even though those are all just subjective and aren't really a reflection on how well I can write.

I know the two are not remotely related, but this reminds me of Castle , where Rick's just released a new book and is trolling the net for reviews and debating what he's going to do with himself now that he's a has been. His mother finds a good review for him in some smalltown paper, and he says "I wonder how long it took her to find that."

There's also the line from the police captain at the precinct where Castle's hanging out, about why the police department puts up with Castle: "Do you know how hard it is for the NYPD to get good press in a magazine people actually read?"

Have a happy release day Barb.

I'm already getting some jitters about getting to the submitting part of writing. I know there's going to be a lot of rejection.

Any weight concern that's not prefaced with a hearty and sincere "if" presumes to know too much. And, even then, no, it's not my business. McGee from NCIS has lost more weight than I would if I were him, but why should he care? It's between him, his mirror, his doctor and his conscience.

is the toothpaste thing Tom`s?

I actually have travel size Tom's. And I don't like it. I want travel size Jasons.

I'm with Steph. I haven't always been of that opinion but came to it in the last year or so. I'm sure my behavior on the matter isn't always perfect, but I try.

Argh! The mention of Tom's reminds me that I forgot to pick up some Tom's deodorant when I was at TJ's last night. Grr.

"Do you know how hard it is for the NYPD to get good press in a magazine people actually read?"

I just attended a Gov 2.0 forum where one of the speakers called the CIA "the Lindsay Lohan of the federal government - they always make the news, and it's always bad."

The volcano thing is apparently because kids will be traumatized by death or something. Dude claims to have 4 kids, but somehow he's missed what kids are actually like. Of course, he may keep them in kennels with no TV or internet in a room painted with rainbows and ponies.

And because it's worth a separate post:

job~ma to Aims

it's nothing~ma to Frank and Sox's relative

best-possible~ma to bonny and sumi

I want to keep getting better as a writer, I want to sell well, I want critical approbation and to get starred reviews and appear on "Best of" lists, even though those are all just subjective and aren't really a reflection on how well I can write.

I don't know... I know I'm good at what I do. And while I have no illusions of being the next Toni Morrison or Isabel Allende or Michael Chabon, I at least want to be really good.

Barb, I totally get this. You're fine. Happy release day!