A friend of mine was given the choice of quitting--and her employer would not fight her unemployment claim--or getting fired, and they would fight it.

She chose to leave and take the unemployment.

If she can get references, I'm not so sure it matters. but references can make a big deal of difference. I assume she is looking?

Steph, I'm sorry your family has been so under siege this year and I hope your Uncle D makes a rally. You are NOT the Angel of Death.

In CA, last I knew, you cannot get unemployment if you quit. You cannot get unemployment if you're fired for cause - like stealing. However, you can get unemployment if you were fired or laid off.

The decision really has to be up to your niece in that the survival thing to do in this economy is to keep doing your job as best as you can do it and if they want you out - they can damned well fire you or lay you off and pay severance and unemployment. However, there are times, even in a super shitty economy like this one, where it's better to quit because you're in serious danger of a mental health breakdown if you don't. Only she can answer that question.

If it were me, Zen, I'd probably make them fire me before I quit. In this economy, it's not as big a black mark as it used to be.

Of course, I'd be actively looking and trying to find something else so I could tell them to shove it, too.

With a state employee, they probably can't ding her on references--they can only verify dates of employment. They can't say what kind of employee she was. If she still has some good contacts within the company, they could provide references for her.

Ugh, Steph. I hope your uncle improves. You are NOT the Angel of Death, I am sorry you feel that way.

She ISN'T looking, which makes me insane. I don't know why she isn't looking for another job. I worry that she's a lot more depressed than I know about. I haven't actually SEEN her in weeks.

I'm sorry this tradition is continuing, Steph.

DJ, what's going on with the trip?

Zen, I'm guessing it's the depression, too. Even if you know you're in the right, being surrounded by powerful people who treat you like you're a problem can suck the jobhunting confidence right out of you. Best thing for that, at least in my experience, is to have the hand-holding help of friends in looking at ads, touching up the resumé and making the phone calls. My problem was even getting started so having someone make an appt with me and come over and keep my company, help me get motivated, give me reality checks, was invaluable.

Zenkitty, it is all too likely that she is in a hopeless/helpless mental loop. I'm sorry to not be able to reassure there. But if she were actively looking, there would be some sense of agency and power that would buoy up her spirits. Best wishes to her and some ~ma for figuring out some steps she can take to make her life better.

Teppy, you are not the angel of death. I'm sorry I don't know what to say to really help, but you just are not. You are definitely having a really shitty time of it, though. Much ~ma for your whole family, and for your uncle, and for you.

DH hates his current position. He's not looking because I've asked him to wait. I don't feel like moving again just yet. He's giving me until spring. If things improve for him in four months, he won't worry about looking. But if they don't, I've agreed to let him start the process of finding another job.

But he's miserable where he's at and I feel sort of responsible for keeping him in the job. It's a trade off because the kids and I are doing so well here. However, the situation cannot continue if he hates going into work every day.