Sean, I'm proud of you for just posting that. I know how much courage it took, and I think that's huge.

I know there's no way to convince yourself of this, but you were not the problem in that relationship. From everything you've told me, S was an incredibly damaged person who unfortunately chose to take it out on you instead of using your love and support to help heal herself. None of which is your fault.

I had a friend I thought was close to me abruptly fuck me over a couple years ago, and it almost made me question the other relationships in my life. But I'm not going to give him that much power over me. He was and is a royal douche. But that stands independent of the people that were and still are marvellous to me.

I can't lie--I do look at new people kinda funny, but I force myself to look back at the good and true friends who are still proving themselves, and not that guy who betrayed me, and I just have to hope they turn out like the good guys and not the jerkwad.

Thanks, Jess. I know.

And frankly, after the events of the last year, what I went through with S seems like a walk in the park. At least her love for me was real.

Oh yeah, and the woman and friend who betrayed me? Knew what had happened with S. They knew I was already recovering from a traumatic experience.

Oh, God, Sean, that's utterly awful. I remember you mentioning a possible person, and a couple of good dates and good kisses, and when you didn't mention her again I assumed it had just dwindled and died a natural death. I'm aghast and smite-hungry that someone could pull such pointlessly cruel mindgame bullshit on you.

On anyone at all, really, but especially you. You really are such a deeply good person, who had already been through such a long emotionally grinding rough patch, that it's completely unconscionable for her to have chosen you. L.A. is filled with abundantly deserving assholes; the only possible reason I can think of that she pulled this shit on your rare and excellent self instead of one of the asshole legion is that maybe she's so deeply damaged and filled with loathing for herself and the rest of the human race that her instinctive response to encountering genuine, bone-deep goodness was, "He must be either lying or deluded, and, what's worse, he almost sucked me into his lies and delusions of kindness and love, and for that he must be punished."

tl;dr version: It was her damage, her fear and her loathing, and you were either just in the wrong place at the wrong time or crapped on purposely just exactly because of how good you are.

None of which speculation does anything to lessen my desire to hunt her down and fuck her up.

Sean, she was a using bitch, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I had someone who I thought was my best friend back in college inform me that she'd never cared about me and had been lying for years about things that were supposedly near-deadly problems because she enjoyed watching me jump to help her. And then she accused me of being an emotional vampire, because having to spend all that time making up lies for me was such a bother.

I shut down for months and ended up taking an extra year to complete my MA because I was too busy sobbing hysterically to finish my thesis and pass my language requirement.

It took years to get past it. But it did happen. While there are people who make me wonder if demons really do exist, most people aren't like that. The problem is the users don't come with signs. If only we could tattoo their foreheads with "Poisonous. Do not approach." It would do a world of good for the other 99% of humanity.

And frankly, after the events of the last year, what I went through with S seems like a walk in the park.

GAH - my "people who were shitty to Sean and need to be crotch-punched" file had a major brainfart there. I was conflating the 2, no idea why except I apparently don't know what year it is!

(Which is also not your fault. It's probably the asbestos here in the archive building.)

[And everything I said still applies. Just do a mental search and replace on the names.]

Oh, Sean-- when my ex-husband dumped me, he told me he had an affair because I was "unlovable". That he tried, but no one could EVER love me because I was an awful, dull and unkind person, or desire me either, because I was fat and unattractive. So, it was my fault. I was too fucked up and ugly. It broke me. Totally.

It took a couple of years of serious therapy for me to get over that. But I will say that I was a much better person after being broken than I was before and if I had a chance to do it again, I would, in order to have gotten to the place I am now. I think you will get to that place and I hope your path there is quick.

Sean, she was a using bitch, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

YES. THIS.

Sean, I am so sorry you had to go through that. You are a wonderful, charming, handsome, and loveable person. What that woman did IS NOT a reflection on you; it's entirely about her damage and her being a horrible person.

Sweet mother of Jesus, Sean, what a... I don't even know. I have no words. What she did was so incredibly, massively fucked up, I can't even articulate it.

I do want to echo Jessica: it took a lot of courage for you to share that with us. I am incredibly angry and sorrowful on your behalf, but knowing what happened to you gives me some clue into what you are going through now, and I am grateful for that, at least, because hopefully we can be more present and helpful for you now.

I wish you could hear and believe this, but you are a dear and lovely and wonderful and GOOD human being, one I am happy to know. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.