amyth, of course you are upset with a such a heap of crap. And it sucks how things we think we've resolved come up again and again to surprise us. It hurts to reach out and be rebuffed, no matter how many times it's happened before, and then to be criticized for not reaching out in the right way! My mind continues to boggle with how they have treated you and continued to treat you. I get that they are suffering and grieving, but you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Look around you - you are the hub, the linchpin of a wonderful group of friends. I know that doesn't remove the hurt your bio fam is causing you, but I hope it can help reassure you of what I know: you are one of the most caring, intelligent, funny, strong, and kickass people I have ever been lucky enough to meet. I don't know what I'm going to do without you being on the other side of the cubicle wall.

Goddamn it, amyth, I'm irrationally angry for you. I know they are going through their own crises, but it's petty and mean and small-minded, especially considering their treatment of you all of these years.

Please know that family =/= blood. We love you. And what smonster said--well, with the exception of you being on the other side of the cubicle wall. I've never had the pleasure; otherwise, my office would probably be a helluva lot more fun.

I would just like to repeat everything smonster said, word for word. amyth, you are an incredibly compassionate and loving person, and I am so sorry that your brother and his family can't see that. Seriously, I feel damn lucky to know you and to count you as a friend.

And of course right now he and your SIL are in crazy amounts of grief and pain, and not at all thinking about how their words and actions might affect you. That doesn't make it OK, it just makes it understandable. Or explicable, at least. But it is still hurtful to be criticized, and you don't deserve it.

I'm also sorry that your brother is saying he doesn't want you to visit; that's got to be hurtful too. And, er, not that it's really related to your situation with your family, but *I* want you to visit! You are someone I like having around, whether I'm feeling happy or sad or anything else. I hope your brother changes his mind.

Amyth, I know it hurts right now, but I want to speak on behalf of your brother. My father came and visited me last year because he was worried about me and because he loved me.

I get that.

I, however? Really really wanted to be alone with my illness. Him loving me didn't lessen that a whit. I know it was impossible for him to understand, and since he was my father I couldn't lock my door against him, but I still wish he'd respected me enough to let me be alone then.

I know you want to love him the way that makes most sense to you right now, but for him it's all about him, and it's hard to ask him to see outside that. I know it hurts, but it's the pride of the ill in question.

Gods DAMN but there's a lot of [Buffista]-is-wise on this board. Amyth, my sweet brilliant friend, we have you so very much in our hearts.

And thanks everyone for the sympathy about the surprise indoor weather. The rain is gone for a few days and we're pretty sure we know where the problem is. Time to level up our homeowner skills while the weather holds....

Yeah, everybody upthread is wise. But I still wanted to chime in with sympathy. That's a tough situation.

Yeah, everybody upthread is wise. But I still wanted to chime in with sympathy. That's a tough situation.

scoots next to Liese, nods vigorously.

{{{amyth}}} I'm glad posting here about it helps you.

{{{Calli}}} Flying, yay! I kind of want to just say that whenever I see you posting, but especially today.

Hugs, amy. That sucks a lot (and randomly, I am glad I have a better relationship with my brother in law, but...I don't know that I would think to call or send a card if I heard his parent died. I would probably...facebook my sister?)

I, however? Really really wanted to be alone with my illness.

Yeah, but you weren't dying. I mean, one hopes. Amy's brother, from what she's said, probably has limited time.

Thanks, y'all, so much. I love you all. I can't say it enough.

So, since my last post, I had a wonderful, sane talk with my BFF T., who talked me down from the ledge of my myriad issues, and I ended up feeling a million times better. He reminded me that I shouldn't necessarily take what my brother says (the emotional content of it, anyway) at face value, since he's undergoing treatment for a brain tumor, and is also very stressed. Also, he said pretty much what you said, ita. Give him space, respect his boundaries. And, in his most loving and bullshit-free way, got me to get over myself. He's pretty much the only person who can do that quite that quickly, which is why he will always be who he is to me.

And then, five minutes later, my SiL called, and said that my brother never should have said anything, that that was between her and him, that she was upset, that she and her father were very close, that she doesn't want us to be mad at each other ever, that I am welcome at their house anytime, and she gave me detailed updates on my brother's treatment and how my nephew is doing, how she herself is doing, she let me apologize, she accepted it, it was all extremely normal and wonderful, and all is well. Just like that.

So the lesson here is: much like swimming, wait an hour before posting?