Whenever a cop pulls in behind me, I have to do the "lights are on, registration's current, I'm doing the speed limit, don't panic and do something dumb" chant. But it's a tense few blocks until he changes lane and eases up behind someone else to see if he can spook them into something stupid.

Job~ma, TCG!

Good night, Universe-- back off my people, wouldja?

ION, morning. I have a talk scheduled at 11AM with the attorney for my publisher. And my horrorscopes are being frighteningly prescient.

You might find yourself involved in an emotionally charged melodrama today, even if you normally try to evade such things. And although the intensity may be somewhat distressing, there is also a definite adrenaline rush when you forget about remaining cool and detached. Instead of attempting to avoid this unfamiliar territory, enjoy it while you can.

Be sure to answer all phone calls and open all letters and emails today, Barbara, as you are likely to receive some interesting communications indeed. You may receive word from a former colleague about an exciting opportunity. Expect your eyebrows to rise in surprise at least once or twice during this day. Expect the unexpected!

I remember liking the elliptical a lot, but now that have TV with cable on each one!

We don't have cable at home, so I love watching TV at the gym, even if it's MSNBC.

Ugh, I have flipped my shit about tickets FOR SURE. All that guilt adrenalin just bites.

I don't think I flipped my shit about the ticket as much as just that it was the last straw. People dying, air conditioner breaking, dental issues, dodgy muffler, ailing geriatric senile dog, check engine light, good friends moving away, perpetual undercurrent of worry about work -- and today a ticket. It was just the last goddamn straw.

But, you know, 5 1/2 hours before I can go home and crawl in bed until Monday.

Be sure to answer all phone calls and open all letters and emails today, Barbara, as you are likely to receive some interesting communications indeed.

How did your horoscope know your name?

I like overly-specific horoscopes:

"You will go to that little sandwich shop down the block today, as your usual place will be closed due to a death in the family. Your chicken sandwich will be excellent, except it will have too much mayo."

How did your horoscope know your name?

It's a daily one that pops into my email box, so I probably signed up for it at one time. Probably every other Virgo is getting the same one, but I don't care. That one has MY name.

Hey Bitches,

Any thoughts on OTC sleep aids? Imma try that for a few days before I haul my uninsured ass to a doctor.

Any thoughts on OTC sleep aids?

Some people do well with Tylenol PM, or just Benadryl.

Any thoughts on OTC sleep aids?

They are all some variation of Benedryl.

"You will go to that little sandwich shop down the block today, as your usual place will be closed due to a death in the family. Your chicken sandwich will be excellent, except it will have too much mayo."

If Google ever gets into the horoscope business, they will read exactly like this.