Me: Could you describe to me, in your own words, what this is?

StW: Probably not. I enjoy the time I spend with you.

That latter phrase is starting to feel like "You're a nice girl, but..."

Thanks to Tom and Nora, I have just popped a flexeril which I hope will help my hip and knock me the fuck out.

The funny (in a not-funny way) thing is that we had that talk while watching Leverage, and the next episode was The Wedding Job. You know, the one where Sophie goes off on Nate, and then he does that speech during the wedding? I was literally biting my tongue (yes, literally). Awk-fucking-ward.

Going to try and sleep now.

Man oh man. Not cool smonster. I guess better now than 5 years from now?

I mean, we've only been dating two months, and he just got out of a four-year relationship like, six months ago, and I've been trying to be patient and not push and give him his space (which he recognizes) but it just isn't fun to feel like I could be rejected at any moment. I can't grok being all logical and rational about whether you like someone and want to be with them. I have a hard time imagining him just waking up one day and thinking, you know what? I'm ready to actually be in a relationship with that smonster chick.

And of course, all this is happening while B is in town. Fab.

Okay, really, bed now.

smonster, you said his four-year relationship ended kinda badly, right? Maybe he's just gunshy and trying not to get hurt again.

I have a hard time imagining him just waking up one day and thinking, you know what? I'm ready to actually be in a relationship with that smonster chick.

But maybe he will. Six months is not a lot of time to get over a bad breakup of a long-term relationship. I mean, obviously I don't know; I've never met him, but the question is, do you like him enough to ride out his uncertainty for a while longer? Regardless of what he says, his behavior will tell you how he feels. If "not being in a committed relationship" means "you can't hurt me like she did" but he really does want to be with you, you'll see that, and eventually he'll realize you're not going to. If it means "I want to play the field", well, you'll see that pretty quickly.

Oh smonster, I'm so sorry about the kitty, about StW, about your hip, about everything

This. It is good that there is so much going in the right direction for you to distract you from the sucky stuff.

Relationships are hard. DH and I were both in a never again place when we met. I was recently widowed and he was nearing graduation and ready to party. We told each other frequently how it was good times, but no long-term ideas ever happening. I don't know how long it was before we changed our minds. That was 24 years ago.

I don't know how it feels for you or how it feels for him. If it is causing you more anxiety than joy then not a good plan. If you are content with the terms and enjoy your present relationship then be patient.

Ack, smonster, I'm sorry for all the awkwardness and uncertainty.

I have a hard time imagining him just waking up one day and thinking, you know what? I'm ready to actually be in a relationship with that smonster chick.

It is hard to imagine, but I do think sometimes that's how it works for people. I know the waiting and the uncertainty is maddening, but it does sound like there's still a chance that the future holds good things for you two.

Six months is not a lot of time to get over a bad breakup of a long-term relationship. I mean, obviously I don't know; I've never met him, but the question is, do you like him enough to ride out his uncertainty for a while longer? Regardless of what he says, his behavior will tell you how he feels. If "not being in a committed relationship" means "you can't hurt me like she did" but he really does want to be with you, you'll see that, and eventually he'll realize you're not going to. If it means "I want to play the field", well, you'll see that pretty quickly.

Bears repeating, and I hope it turns out to be the former situation rather than the latter.

I went with my relationship with Hubby with no plans, no expectations, I probably went about it completely the wrong way. Hell, I even married the first guy who asked me. It became utterly inconceivable to imagine living without each other around. Probably absolutely co-dependent and unhealthy, but hey, it's worked so far. As we tell people, we married each other so as to save two other perfectly blameless people the grief of being with us.

I mean, we've only been dating two months, and he just got out of a four-year relationship like, six months ago, and I've been trying to be patient and not push and give him his space (which he recognizes) but it just isn't fun to feel like I could be rejected at any moment. I can't grok being all logical and rational about whether you like someone and want to be with them.

This is actually very similar to how things progressed with me and Tim. FWIW. He was reboundy, and I knew that, and I think for at least the first 6 months he didn't really know if he wanted to be in a relationship. And then he did.

And that phase did suck in a lot of ways, because I also felt like whether the relationship continued was all up to him (and, I guess it was), and I didn't know if he would decide to walk away at any time.

The uncertainty fucking sucks. All I can say is that, for me, I was willing to risk the wait-and-see period.

As we tell people, we married each other so as to save two other perfectly blameless people the grief of being with us.

I told Tim last night that we should get married (1) so we could make our guests dance around a pig, and (2) so our friends could witness the way my mom "dances."

In my defense, #1 was because our friends who we were out with mentioned they were going to a Greek wedding where they were told they would have to dance around a pig. (Tim said it would have to be a tofu pig.) And #2 was because I was pretty drunk and trying to imitate the way my mom dances.

I don't think he's on board with either of those reasons. Killjoy.

{{{{smonster}}}} Just 'cuz.