What a mess, smonster! It really is too bad you don't have any Adolph's in the house. When I was stung by a stingray, that was what saved me. Good for bee stings too.

I got your email earlier, but was focused on week-to-come prep. Let's try tomorrow. I'll be in meetings until late afternoon.

I went to the ER at 3am once because of red ant bites. I just couldn't take it any more.

I'm reminded of the Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe in the Louisiana swamp gathering gator eggs. He gets bit by fire ants and pretty much drops trou on camera, answering the question about what kind of underwear Mike Rowe wears. And then he's hiding behind a truck door applying anti-itch stuff to very delicate areas.

I may have an unhealthy regard for the man in that I truly appreciate the actions of he and his production staff for letting us see that.

A hair dryer helps with itching from any cause, actually. I'm not sure if it's because the heat makes the nerve endings overload or what, but it actually really, really works. The hard part is sitting is getting through the initial hair-drying, because the first thing is does is make the itch SO MUCH WORSE. And then, all at once, the itch is gone, and generally stays away for at least a few hours.

I learned it from my former allergist, when my reaction to the skin test was severe enough to leave him speechless for a moment. ("Well!" he finally said. "I guess you're in the right place!") My arm was horribly itchy, and he recommended that I hair-dry it. I thought he was bonkers, until it worked.

and you say this works for HOURS? wow.

and you say this works for HOURS? wow.

A few, yeah. Not a whole work day, or anything, but it does zap it for a few hours.

I just discovered that I have Trader Joe's Lobster Ravioli in my fridge. It said to use or freeze by July 28. It's probably still good to eat, right?

And then, all at once, the itch is gone, and generally stays away for at least a few hours.

I blast mine with the hottest water possible from a hand-held shower and then ice. I really don't know why it works, but it has helped a lot in the past. I've also added a shot of vodka, Benedryl and topical stuff. I am a sensitive fucking flower, man. By which I mean, I end up covered in welts.

I'm pretty cavalier about expiration dates, but since the ravioli has lobster in it (and, I'm willing to bet, some sort of dairy), I would ditch it. You're a bit too far past the use-by date for something made out of animal products.

It's fine, P-C.

I discovered the hair dryer thing post tattoo. It's awesome.