megafuckingmeara:

Stephanie, my opinion as an outsider is, if you've been using your married name for 11 years and are keeping it after the divorce, it's essentially your name now, and so it would make sense to me that it would be New Baby's last name too, if you decide to go that route. I also like smonster's idea of using the birth father's last name as a middle name

Way late (I threadsucked many, many hundred posts), but I really agree.

No kids involved, but I kept my married name after I got divorced. It just works for me in an internet age and I moved my maiden name to my middle name (it had the same initial and I'd never loved my given middle name but I adore having my maiden name there) so I have both.

My only sadness about keeping my name is that my birth mom (as apart from my stepmom) went *back* to my maiden name when she divorced her second husband (I was somewhere in grade school?) so I've had guilt that she has a name that I don't any longer. I don't think she ever considered going back to her maiden though.

Women changing their names is weird complicated.

My mom made the same point as Kate did - that my current last name is *mine* even if it's not the one I was born with.

It's true. Mine doesn't even remind me of my ex. It's just my name.

It's mine, I made it myself.

I am satisfied for now that we can communicate regularly on stuff that isn't sensitive. Sports, weather, we can talk about these things together so I get to know he is ok.

Laura, I think keeping that connection is really important.

A long time ago, my stepsister was going through one of many rough patches but it was the time she completely disengaged and my stepmom didn't hear from her for months. They talk daily and my sister will totally overshare (and then ignore advice or reason) so it was really brutal on mom. Just talking about the weather every few days would have been much better for mom. I am so glad you have that.

Our household has been a swirling mass of stress for the past couple of days, and I am hitting the not-coping wall pretty hard. With a side-order of feeling unmotivated and untalented.

I am very sorry. But you are very talented, just under a lot of stress and that is okay. You can try and take a break and breathe.

It is weird being a bisexual girl whose partner doesn't want her to bring chicks home. Makes me feel kinda special.

I'm really finding it more the norm in actual long-term* relationships. Which is absolutely the most anecdotal of anecdata, but...

*I'd say monogamous relationships but monogamy sort of implies ... monogamy.

As for the market, errand running businesses on the Hill get a fairly standard $40 per hour.

You are, to an extent, paying for their schedule flexibility as well, in these cases. Granted, most people paying $40 per hour for errands are making more than that by staying at work but they are clearly paying for things they'd prefer not to be the one doing more than a specific skill set. But paying the cat sitter $20 per hour pays for the time traveling to and fro and the fact that they can take that hour in the day and take care of your pets while you are gone.

and I was like, "Is this the doctor equivalent of writing me into a song?" He laughed and said, "Yeah, maybe."

Adorable!

I'm still feeling verklempt at all the dismissal of $20/hour as being low-level wages.

The wages aren't necessarily low, but location and skill sets required for the position do tick it much lower than another position might be elsewhere.

Backflung again, bonny.

Another StW story to close the evening. I was walking Frankie when StW came to get me, and he chatted with my roommate while waiting. On the way back from the coffee shop, I mentioned how much I like her and how well we get along, and his response was, "Yeah, we should really take her out, because I asked her if she's enjoying the city and she said not really because she's too broke to do anything." Y'all, he wants to take my roommate out to have fun! He barely knows her! How ridic generous and sweet is that?

I love your StW stories, smonster. He sounds like a wonderful guy.

They are lot more fun to live and to share with y'all than "OMG KBD just made me watch another shitty movie. OMG KBD talked me out of breaking up with him. AGAIN. OMG KBD wants me to wear makeup more often, but when I wear it he doesn't say anything."

Really going to bed now.

Aaaaagh.

So my old roommate moved out at the beginning of July. And I ended up with this friend o my sister's who said she was moving to town in mid- to late-August. Ok, better than a random an she seems cool. But I just emailed to get a more firm date (she was taking the bar exam and has a clerkship here) and she said now it'll be more like mid September or possibly not at all because of some security clearance drama! I can't afford to not have a roommate for that long, but I'm not in town enough right now to find a new one, and I don't want someone random. Grrrrrrr.

I can see the distrust of this, at the same time, I know that it is the rare individual who can maintain enthusiasm for mundane, repetitive tasks.

Why do you need to maintain enthusiasm for a repative task. cleaning is not exciting = however , I clean the bathroom well , because it matters - not because it is exciting. The pages at the library do not find shelving exciting- some of them have been doing it for years, how ever it matters. It is critical to the basic function of the library. So as a boss , she isn't selling the importance. I would be a bad page. But since I know a number of people that are good at and i know the boss - a combination of picking and training the right people and a good boss make a difference on the stability of the staff

I know it i a ran on a small point, but it was sort of telling for me, If you run a business you have to have respect for all the tasks

It sounds like you have a plan, my question - you have one end point, when is the next . Unless you'd like to have a job, not a business, I would set up a date for your self. "i've been at this job x amount of time- it takes up x amount of time, my own business has increased/ decreased due to factors x, y , z - what do I want to do now , in 3 months in 6 months in 1 year in 2 "

and in another post - ma`` to all that need it. I have some overwhelmedness going on in my own life - most of which I can't even articulate.

Why do you need to maintain enthusiasm for a repative task. cleaning is not exciting = however , I clean the bathroom well , because it matters - not because it is exciting. The pages at the library do not find shelving exciting- some of them have been doing it for years, how ever it matters. It is critical to the basic function of the library.

I think expecting people to do a repetitive task all day, every day, every week is asking for them to end up NOT doing their best work possible.

Even with cleaning, I am guessing you don't clean for eight hours, most days of the week. And plenty of people will hire someone to clean for them. It's not a fun thing for most people.

It's important and it needs to be done but varying tasks and even setting jobs as really only something for a few years doesn't lack total sense.

Wishing you focus and clarity for your overwhelmedness, Beth, and a clear path through.

Catching up here tonight has made me smile.

Laura, you have my heart and all my good thoughts.

i've been at this job x amount of time- it takes up x amount of time, my own business has increased/ decreased due to factors x, y , z - what do I want to do now , in 3 months in 6 months in 1 year in 2 "

This is precisely what I was expecting.

After getting an hour of sleep, I have come to the conclusion that I need to sit down and explain what goes into each of the requested tasks. I think my friend simply does not understand, at the same time I'm sure she would LOVE to have all these problems just go away.

I can't blame her for that, but that does not mean I'm going to set myself up to fail. Not only would the problems NOT go away, but I would end up drooling in the corner.

The list can be broken down into admin, sales and executive tasks. Each category requires a different pay structure. (I read the employee handbook, there are no benefits.)

I will then outline the tasks that I would enjoy doing and then ask her to prioritize which of them she feels is most pressing.

I will commit to entering into a 3 month contract with extension options.

If the financing comes through for the super-huge expansion, I will negotiate for closing both of my shops and committing to her venture if it includes maintaining my brand. THAT project will be all-consuming so I will expect a percentage of ownership.

I feel fairly calm, despite being super tired and feeling a bit ooky.

I really, most sincerely appreciate all your input and support. I felt like my head might explode, but I feel pretty good now.