Some of the parents I work with have a 'two in, one out' policy for toys, books (I know, NO!) and detritus. Like Sox says, asking the child to pick which thing goes helps to instill the values of agency, discernment and letting go.

The ones that are especially successful at it make the giving away an joyful exercise. They find a charity and make it a regular activity for the kids to give away their things.

Also, the consignment shop I'm connected to lets kids 9 and up have their own accounts. They bring in their gently used clothes and shoes and then get to shop once those items are sold. My favorite family (I've worked with one kid and the mom) have 5 kids. They have so much credit that the twin girls (10) never fail to bring in friends of lesser means to pick stuff out for themselves.

It teaches them to take care of their possessions AND the joy of giving.

To be honest, we work through it together. It's not possible to keep everything that comes home these days, even in boxes in the basement. HKF will leave some things out for months, and then I'll ask her if she wants to let it go to make room for some new artwork. Usually that goes pretty well. Previous school used to send home a paper shopping bag full every week, if that gives you a yardstick. Much of this, I treasure. But not all.

To be honest, we work through it together.

This can be tough, but if handled calmly, and with a sense of finality it can bear great rewards. i.e. "I know you want to keep all of these, but that is not what we are doing right now. You must pick one, or you can tell me which two _I_ can pick from."

Thanks for the kind Bartleby thoughts. Every one is greatly appreciated.

I'm firmly on the side of 'it's okay' but, sometimes I feel like he does when he's in the vet's office. Trembly and unsteady.

Artwork is one thing. I ask about that. But the detrius is a whole nother thing, IMO. Em tends toward the collector side of things and sometimes, after month of trying to help her keep her things somewhat organized, I just give up and out come the garbage bags.

bonny, best wishes for you and the B-man.

A boxer at the park this morning had a seizure and collapsed. So scary.

Some things are worth keeping, some aren't. We had kicking around the house the "candleholder" I made in kindergarten. A lump of clay, flattened on the bottom with a depression (made with a candle) on the top, painted red. I'm assuming it went out in the trash sometime after I got out of college ... but it could be lurking in one of the innumerable boxes my mother has hauled around with her through multiple moves (and never opened).

I know you want to keep all of these, but that is not what we are doing right now. You must pick one

Right - this is what I meant.

I know you want to keep all of these, but that is not what we are doing right now. You must pick one

Ahahahahaha. *I* am still working on learning this lesson. But I've got to say, I'm getting better at it after the Great Clearing Out of Mom & Dad's place and discovering how far down the path of hoarding my Mom had gone. Eeesh.

I wanted to chime in here, despite mostly lurking. I am a quasi hoarder- I go through stages-- but mostly my problem has to do not so much with the stuff as truly being unable to find a system or a way to keep it that works for more than one day.

Because of this, every year I went away, and every year my grandma cleaned and organized my room, which had grown to epic piles on the floor proportions.

And, the problem still exists, but I have no one to clean for me. The thing is, I am not sure having me around would have helped, but maybe it would have.I actually feel there is this innate defiant thing in me that rebels against cleaning stuff up that my mom and grandparents probably could not have changed.

And they still did this when I was in High School, BTW.