Yeah, that would only conceivably have standing if D gave up custody after her death. I think not. Also, I'd think her attorney would tell her that.

It turns out my mother has a fractured vertebra and starting Friday, she'll have three epidural steroid injections three weeks apart, then physical therapy. She's relieved to have a diagnosis, and apparently the doctor treated her like an adult, not a feeble-minded old person. She gets a fair amount of that, and it drives her mad. It will be at least a couple of weeks before she feels any better, though.

oh goodness. no wonder she has been in so much pain!

I'm frazzled. Had a crappy day, and by crappy, I mean it involved cleaning up bloody diarrhea . Seriously, don't highlight the nasty-gross-font. It also involved being worried about the person, who, incidentally, has been treated for a bleeding ulcer this year, and I'd kinda like to kick the company nurse for not being more freaked out by this, and insisting the doc fit this person in ASAP.

So, punctuation for all who want/need, and ~ma for all the serious stuff that seems to be happening.

Didn't mean to angst and dash -- putting kid to bed takes a while. Especially when fascinating convos about dinosaurs, evolution and Cro-Magnon man ensue.

Really, David?! That's a HUGE relief to know. So she can...er, complain (I'm trying to damn hard to be fair-minded and objective) all she wants, and it won't matter?

And no; he in NO WAY has abdicated or is willing to abdicate parental rights AND responsibilities. He is 100% in love and involved in M's life, as far as finances will stretch to East Coast/Midwest bifurcation of life.

We can't afford to fly to Philly, then a 2 hours puddle jumper to another town more than 3x a year. And she bitches about me ALL THE TIME for never flying to PA to see M. WE CAN'T AFFORD IT BECAUSE YOU BENT D OVER AND FUCKED HIM FINANCIALLY, in many, many ways. And IMHO, sending D out for bdays and Halloween and etc. is WAY more vital then me going.

And someone needs to be reasonable about finances, with good reason -- hi, $7k/year tuition at private school, signed without our agreement, I'm looking at you. (And the thing about the private school that KILLS me is that we? have an excellent elementary school less than a block and a half away, and a good middle and high school less than a mile.)

Ginger, I'm sorry your mom has a cracked vertabra -- how painful! But I am very glad the diagnosed it properly, and she will get the treatment she needs, and the attention she deserves.

It's good that she's got a diagnosis, Ginger.

Really, David?! That's a HUGE relief to know. So she can...er, complain (I'm trying to damn hard to be fair-minded and objective) all she wants, and it won't matter?

Just think about it for a second. She doesn't have to share her will with Dan after she divorces him. She's leading a separate life. So why would that be legally binding on him if he's still got parental rights? She can state her wishes but as long as he has a legal status as a parent then he's fine.

The important thing to remember is that there are two elements to custody. One is legal custody and the other is physical custody.

Almost all divorces grant 50/50 legal custody unless one parent was abusive, or has specifically abandoned their rights to the child. That means that both parents have a say in matters of schooling, education, religion and healthcare. As a matter of practical function, the parent who has the greater physical custody will be making most of those decisions but the other parent still has a legal right to the child even if they don't have primary physical custody.

Wow, Ginger, and ouch.

Another way to think of it Erin is that the same part of the law that made life hellish for Dan because she could move anywhere and take her son with him, works for him in this instance.

He had no say in where she lives.

She has no say in where her son goes after she dies, as long as Dan has legal rights as a parent.

The fact that he's supporting his son financially and seeing him regularly despite the distance would only prove that he's an interested parent in the court's eyes.

Almost all divorces grant 50/50 legal custody unless one parent was abusive, or has specifically abandoned their rights to the child. That means that both parents have a say in matters of schooling, education, religion and healthcare. As a matter of practical function, the parent who has the greater physical custody will be making most of those decisions but the other parent still has a legal right to the child even if they don't have primary physical custody.

That makes sense; I was kind of wigging because she really like to whip around the L word (er, lawyer) whenever she doesn't get her way. D is more non-confrontational, because that's his nature AND he really, truly puts M's emotional well-being first and knows that having parents in a litigious sitch is stressful and confusing. (She ALSO knows this, dammit.)

I agree with him -- to a point. Part of me just wants to get the most bloodthirsty lawyer we can,a la Lila, and get all BACK THE FUCK OFF but that won't make her reasonable, which is all I truly want.

WS, a friend of mine is a caregiver for developmentally disabled adults also, and it is grueling. What a day. I am sorry it was so, er, craptastic.

I feel MUCH less panicky and mind-clogged. I think I can go to bed now so I can get up early and recoup some lost work time.

Thanks a lot!

ma ~~~sj, to you and the family