The Universe is a douchebag.

That has always been my takeaway from The Secret.

"The only way anything has ever been invented or created is because one person saw a picture in his mind. He saw it clearly, and by holding that picture of the end result in his mind, all forces of the Universe brought his invention into the world, through him."

In the case of Edison and the light bulb, it was that and trying 6,000 different filaments.

Shitstorm.

Query, divorced parents or legal types:

I'm looking for really good resources, legal resources. I want to be vagueish, and I may redact this question after a day or so.

M's mom wants to write a will. Laudable and logical.

What she wants: (a) if she and stepdad (bio father of her 2nd child, T., 7 years younger than M, she and D's bio child) die at the same time, she wants D and I to take both children. We have agreed privately to each other -- D and I -- that we would do this.

Here's the sticky part -- (b) she wants stepdad to keep M if she should die before M is age of majority, to raise the children as brothers. I understand the desire to respect that bond. Stepdad is an okay fellow, we have no personal bias against him as a parental figure. But D and I both agree this is a no-go. D wants exclusive parental and residential rights, if, heaven forfend, this should happen. We would be happy to arrange for extensive visitation, but not to SD raising M.

D loves M. D is an involved, employed, fit, child-support paying parent with joint custody.

C -- If we should agree to Option A (raising T and M should both Mom and SD dying) we do feel weird about, if M was 18, and T was 12ish, taking custody of T. Which may sound like we're awful people, and raise questions about "Why would it be ok if M was 17 and T was 11" I KNOW -- I'm still struggling with this.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. Advice, pointers to resources...this just hit like whoa earlier this afternoon, and it's a really complex situation, and Mom is going to flip out like a mammal when (we are trying to postpone the convo as long as possible until we get ducks in a row) when she hears that we'll do A and not B.

I've been researching, and we may have to get a lawyer, I know, esp since the custody agreement was done in Kansas, where we live, and they live in Pennsylvania.

There's no illness or anything, this is just worst case scenario, but...well. SHITSTORM.

I'm just...I came back from the grocery store after having had a good morning writing and working on a resume, dealt with a tantrum (minor, yet took an hour) and planning on having the evening secluded in my office, and then THIS. I don't even know.

I'm very confused and stressed. And I'm SAD that everything has to be so fucking fraught.

it was that and trying 6,000 different filaments.

"This time for sure! Dangit."

Here's the sticky part -- (b) she wants stepdad to keep M if she should die before M is age of majority, to raise the children as brothers.

Your husband would have first dibs on him no matter what she put in the will.

Oy, Erin. I have no advice or counsel or links, just ~ma.

Just to amend that a bit, Dan's rights as parent supercede her will. Unless he's waved all parental rights per the terms of their divorce. Which I'm pretty sure is not the case.

I wouldn't even make a stink about it because her putting it in the will is one hundred percent bullshit.

Yeah, that would only conceivably have standing if D gave up custody after her death. I think not. Also, I'd think her attorney would tell her that.

It turns out my mother has a fractured vertebra and starting Friday, she'll have three epidural steroid injections three weeks apart, then physical therapy. She's relieved to have a diagnosis, and apparently the doctor treated her like an adult, not a feeble-minded old person. She gets a fair amount of that, and it drives her mad. It will be at least a couple of weeks before she feels any better, though.

oh goodness. no wonder she has been in so much pain!

I'm frazzled. Had a crappy day, and by crappy, I mean it involved cleaning up bloody diarrhea . Seriously, don't highlight the nasty-gross-font. It also involved being worried about the person, who, incidentally, has been treated for a bleeding ulcer this year, and I'd kinda like to kick the company nurse for not being more freaked out by this, and insisting the doc fit this person in ASAP.

So, punctuation for all who want/need, and ~ma for all the serious stuff that seems to be happening.