When does it arrive? (I need to know so I can be sure to have popcorn on hand. Or maybe shots.)

Well, my birthday's in a month, which is another cause for concern, because seriously, I can't remember the last time the woman bought me a birthday gift this far in advance and if I remember correctly, it was something equally as horrifying. What, exactly, it was, I couldn't tell you, but I'm quite certain it was horrifying.

Plus, she seems to think she's going to be here to give it to me in person-- never mind that my basement, where the guest room is, is currently a construction zone because of a faucet that leaked into the wall and soaked the paneling and carpeting. And that our deck is about to be ripped out and more construction is about to start.

Nope... that matters not one whit, since she wants to visit.

::whimpers::

You're getting a Belinda!

I'd scream in terror except I honest-to-dog wouldn't put it past the woman.

Belinda.

Sweet Italian Jesus, that thing is worse than I remembered.

That's kinda hilarious. I mean...this is the internet age, and instead of looking at porn, they're asking questions about condoms on the PHONE? I thought people under 30 didn't use the telephone! :)

Har. The cell phone reception in the dressing rooms is terrible, and they didn't have a computer.

The cell phone reception in the dressing rooms is terrible, and they didn't have a computer.

"We must find trouble as they did in the days of old. Jared, bring us this thing called 'a telephone' and a book containing the numbers accessible therewith."

Barb, if you're lucky your mother will do what my mother's done - tuck it away someplace "safe" and either forget where she's put it or forget it entirely. (However, this may only delay the horror until Christmas or next year.)

Barb, one hopeful thought: the very last thing you would expect is something you actually want.

Perhaps you can tell your mother you're out of town. Pick an (fake) itinerary where there are Buffistas, and we'll send postcards.

Belinda.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

Kate, had you not seen Belinda before? It is the true face of horror. Cthulhu has NOTHING on Belinda.

Totally unrelatedly, that uncomfortable conversation about transsexual/transgender people elseweb that I mentioned maybe a week ago? It's still going on (though I am now only lurking, not posting), and it has slid into the well-worn pattern of:

Cisgender person: So, trans* person, are you pre-op or post-op?

Trans* person: Wow, that is intrusive and inappropriate and not relevant unless you and I are going to have sex.

Cisgender person: But whyyyyyyy? Why is it so wrong to ask you about your genitals, person who I have never met?

Trans* person: Uh. Seriously?

Cisgender person: EDUCATE MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Trans* person: Not my job. Your privilege is showing.

Cisgender person: [tone argument] EDUCATE MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Trans* person: Hey, have you heard of the Internet? You can educate yourself by googling stuff.

Cisgender person: But YOU'RE right here! Isn't it better to get information from a real live transgender person?

Trans* person: Who do you think wrote the information on the other Internet sites. Not my job to educate you. Just fucking google it.

Cisgender person: [tone argument]

Me: t facepalm

Teppy, Facepalm is the only answer.

Have a question that needs Buffista common sense. I am able to handle rinsed canned beans fine. But beans made from scratch cause me problems. I've tried soaking, not soaking, replacing water at every possible stage, cooking on top of stove, followed by use of rinced cooked beans in slow cooker. Major digestive issued. My current theory. The higher temperature and pressure of canned beans breaks down some of the indigestible fiber and protein than normal cooking does.

So thinking trying a pressure cooker. If it works major savings by cooking dry beans instead of buying canned. But if it does not work, don't think I'll get that much use out of a pressure cooker for other purposes. So what are odds that my guess is right and the higher temperature and pressure will make a difference in digestibility? Do you think there is a better than even chance my guess is a good one?