I skimmed and skipped since I’ve been traveling all day. I’m at my mom’s house tonight and may actually be tired enough to fall asleep early and begin to correct my jet lag. Tomorrow I will visit with both of my 90-something grandmothers and eat my annual real lobster roll (hot with butter in a hot dog bun) at my favorite lobster dive. I’m not going to be able to see any localistas, I don’t think--this trip is short and focused on family until Monday night and then work (a three-day grad course) next week. Sadface.

ETA: I do also have a big streak of deep magenta in my hair as of Tuesday, which I LOVE. Not sure what the admin will think when I go back to school, but I don’t really care.

bonny exists across all space and time.

curses. my cloaking device has failed. I am found out.

Tomorrow I will visit with both of my 90-something grandmothers and eat my annual real lobster roll (hot with butter in a hot dog bun) at my favorite lobster dive.

First, how is your grandma doing?

Second, I am so jealous of the lobster roll eating.

happy birthdays to Zen and Ouise

Thanks for the birthday happies, everyone! It has been a happy one.

Happy birthdays, Zen and Ouise!

I hope things go well for your aunt, Teppy. This year has been Too Much for too many people.

Sleep is the best thing for you, Vortex. I suspect that you'll wake up really hungry in the next day or so.

Happy Birthdays to Zen and Ouise!

::other shoe drops::

Had the "are we dating exclusively" talk with St.W. Good news - he's not seeing anyone else, or even active on OKC right now. Not-so-good news - he's five months out from the end of a four-year relationship, and not looking for anything serious right now. I mean, I know we just met, and it's good that I know, and it doesn't mean that he won't change his mind or become ready... It's just that I have zero interest in being someone's rebound/good time/not that serious thing. Plus, I guess I'm still a bit raw with this coming on the heels of my involvement with B. It's a totally different situation, I know; I just really want to be with someone who's super excited about being with me. And St.W is, he loves spending time with me and talking to me and thinks I'm smart and pretty and funny and sexy and we've been texting and talking daily - I mean, it's all good.

I think I'm scared. Scared of really falling for him and then getting rejected again.

I made an erngh sound, smonster. I'm sorry. I wish it were less complicated.

Oh, smonster, you're so awesome. I love that you go into your relationships with your whole heart. It's part of what's so great about you.

So yeah, you may need to guard your heart on this one, but I wouldn't go borrowing too much trouble. It's early for you to know you'll be really falling for him yourself. He loves spending time with you and you love spending time with him, and maybe that's the best thing for you right now. Let it be what it is, if you can.

I want to tell my rebound guy story, but I'll put it in another post in whitefont so you can ignore it if it's not going to be helpful to you (spoiler alert: it didn't end well. Well, long run it ended well for everyone.) but the beginning is funny, anyway.

I love that you go into your relationships with your whole heart.

Yeah, I can't seem to roll any other way, no matter how many times it doesn't work for me.

Let it be what it is, if you can.

Endless opportunities for radical acceptance seem to be a hallmark of my lovelife.

Honestly, I don't know that I'm capable of guarding my heart. I have no idea what that would look like, or how it would work. I keep working on the present and honest thing - I did try to hide my disappointment temporarily, but trying to hide how I feel is always a waste of time.