I've said it before, I'll say it again -- the support of the Buffistas is amazing. If I didn't have you guys to vent to, I would have been in a clock tower with a rifle by now.

Yes, this. Especially on days like this.

I think that you should just say this:

Thanks, Vortex. I'm going to try and write some things down between now and Tuesday so that I can have an intelligent conversation without becoming too emotional.

And I should probably get something like donuts to bring with me for the valet woman that listened to me rant and cry.

Something happened this evening/afternoon that has taken awhile to set in and really upset me.

We live in a sub that is mostly filled with older people. I'd say the average age is around 60 - 65. A lot of retirees, a lot of folks with kids and grandkids my age. There are some pretty strict rules from the HOA as far as what can be outside (patio furniture is fine) and what is not (no drying racks/clotheslines, nothing that is put into the grass). All front gardens must be maintained by the occupant/owner and must be "completed" by June 30. All decks (everyone must have at least one!) must be stained at least once every two years.

Now, our front garden is pretty heinous. It has three dappled willow bushes in it that get out of control. I mean, they get HUGE. I've gotten permission from the landlord to pull them out because they are much much much too big for the space. After all, front hedges are not allowed to go higher than the bottom sill of the front windows. I just haven't gotten around to it. I don't much like gardening and I've been hanging out at the pool cause that is way more fun.

Today, some woman that's a neighbor comes to our sliding glass door and says, "Can I trim the hedges in the front? I'm one of those people that just gets really nutty over the wway our community looks."

...

I had been woken up from a nap to deal with this and now I have this person who has never, ever in the year and a half that we have lived here ever bothered to come over and say hello, standing on my deck, scolding me for not keeping up the garden and saying, "Fine. Then I'll do it, if you can't be bothered." I found myself mumbling about running around after the girls and not getting to it and wanting to just pull the damn things out at which point she says, "Well, *I* KNOW [landlord]. Are you having trouble with him because I could call him and get him to deal with this."

Lady, I've just had better things to do. I don't like that our unit is the ugly one. I hate it. I just haven't found myself in the space or with the funds to be able to deal with it.

But now, I feel shamed. And dirty. And embarassed that people look at our house and shake their heads. I hate being that house in the neighborhood. I truly do. It's dumb and totally out of proportion, but I feel like a total adult failure who can't even get her garden figured out.

HOAs are often insane. As are people who have too much time on their hands.

I swear, I wanted to look at her and say, "How's about you go over there to the president's house and ask her when the rotted and molding and falling apart wooden bench in our "park" is going to be replaced instead of coming over here and bothering me about my bushes? Quite frankly, I like the 70's porno monster bush look to my willows so butt the fuck out."

Aims, unless it was written into the rental contract, the gardening is the landlord's responsibility. Even if you've said you'd deal with it, it isn't wholly your responsibility unless it was outlined as such.

Further: One of my neighbors (guy who gave me the original purple sink) is that nutty type. And he doesn't judge the renters, just the owners. And yeah, he trims. Unasked actually. And I can't count the times I've come out to find my leaves raked up the day I plan to do it.

Just take her at face value, and if she offers? Take her up on it and buy her a bottle of wine or bake cookies. Otherwise, ask the landlord to deal with the bushes, tell him he's getting neighbor complaints and you don't see it on the horizon given your schedule.

For Sox, bday Sat.

Aims, it doesn't mean you're a failure as an adult. This lady doesn't know your business, and she doesn't need to. She just cares about what the neigborhood looks like and derives enjoyment from living in a community with well-tended homes.

She probably could have handled it better, but why not take her up on it? I bet she'd love a home-made water bottle holder in exchange for taking care of some of the gardening that you admit you don't like to do.

And x-posted with Sara:

Otherwise, ask the landlord to deal with the bushes, tell him he's getting neighbor complaints and you don't see it on the horizon given your schedule.

This. I don't know what's in your rental agreement.

A LARGE part of why I am buying my house is that I really love the neighborhood. Our HOA is not militant by any standards, and each house has unique characteristics. But I love walking around it and seeing all of the beautiful gardens and the pride of ownership. I know you're feeling put upon by her approach, but don't take it as a personal indictment when it's not meant to be.

I'd think that the owner is ultimately responsible for meeting the provisions of the HOA. If she cares so much, she should take it up with him or the board.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that, since my yard is a giant science experiment.

You're raising a great kid, leading a Girl Scout troop, being a good student, working, and being a cool person. That's way more adult than many people.

I'm totally taking it way too personally and I'm feeling a bit [WAY] guilty because it does look like shit and I've meant to take care of it but it seems my latest manic phase only extended so far as my water bottle holders.

I'll take her up on her offer and bake her some cookies. A few bags of mulch and some cheap plantings and I'll feel better about it.

THanks for litstening to me kvetch and moan.