Yeah, there's not really anyone going to be looking at people smoking on my deck and wondering what they're doing. For, like, miles. I have literally never seen a police officer on my street or any of the surrounding ones, for the entire time I've owned the property.

Comply? Where did she get... how did she... whaaa?

With nothing in the way of pesky facts, I'll blame Jilli.

Fair enough. I was going to say she must have been studying the Minions of Clovis handbook.

FWIW, I always had sex at the place when I housesat.

Huh. It never even crossed my mind, when I housesat.

Huh. It never even crossed my mind, when I housesat.

Well, my housesitting days coincided with the time in my life when I thought of very little else.

I probably wouldn't now do it in someone else's house, though.

That said, it's easier to not know if he cleans up, doesn't leave condoms around, changes the sheets, etc. So perhaps Tim could have a word, if you don't think the housesitter is discreet.

Housesitter is discreet; it's just the idea of other people having sex in my bed. I mean, I try not to think about the fact that Tim has had sex with other women in it before me.

FWIW, I always had sex at the place when I housesat.

I seriously didn't know whether that was normal to expect, so this is useful data.

I think I'd buy new pillows on my return, in addition to stripping the sheets and mattress pad. Or I'd take my pet pillow with me to be sure it wasn't used. Because of course I have a pet pillow. Others come and go, but this one is mine, my precious, and not nobody, not nohow sleeps on my pet pillow but me.

We generally take our pillows because we never know if the beach house will have enough pillows (or the proper mooshiness).

Yeah, I don't think you can make that request. If you do, you can pretty much expect it to be ignored, or even flauted, and there might be subtle retribution of some sort. I'd just assume it was going to happen and plastic wrap the mattress ahead of time, use the oldest mattress pad and sheets and the old flat pillows and change everything when you get back. For values of change that include boiling with bleach to ritual fire.

Cool. I have a plan!

Huh. It never even crossed my mind, when I housesat.

Well, my housesitting days coincided with the time in my life when I thought of very little else.

I probably wouldn't now do it in someone else's house, though.

I wouldn't do it, but I know that I can't use me as the comparator, because it's pretty clear my brain doesn't work like other brains.

So, what about when you guys are houseguests of people? Do you not have sex in other peoples' guest beds?

I tend to do it on the floor so the bed doesn't make noise.

Hubby was house-sitting for his folks in those randy pre-Hubby days. So, yeah, Things happened. The only downside was their teacup poodle hopping up on the end of the bed and staring at us with that quizzical "What are you doing?" doggie tilt of the head. And, of course, my having to pop his dislocated wrist back into position. And yet, I stuck with him.

So, what about when you guys are houseguests of people? Do you not have sex in other peoples' guest beds?

We haven't. It just doesn't seem right. Plus I don't want people to hear me.

Plastic wrap, really?

I refused to have sex in my Toronto cousin's bedroom, despite the guy begging me to. She we sexed it up on her sofa instead.

For some reason, that made me feel better.

But there was definitely going to be sex.