Honestly, Steph, I don't know that there is. We actually have the same issue right now. Our housesitter has a partner now, and I thought about specifying, but felt like I couldn't. The angle I was going to take, "moral code; expectations of our donors" probably wouldn't work for you. But in the end I decided it wouldn't work for us either. I mean, she's an adult. She has adult children. She's thrilled to have this very wonderful man in her life. She lost her house and was living with roommates for the past several months and hasn't had any privacy pretty much that whole time. We have an awesome king bed. I figure it's going to happen.

I did have to specify "no pot," but I suspect that one went out the window, too, because her adult daughter came to live with her during the evacuation time, and we know she does smoke, extensively, and given where she is on her recovery from suicidal depression, it's not an issue I care to push with her. But I am antsy about it, because I really could get into trouble with donors if someone gets busted doing drugs of any flavor in my house, whether or not I'm there.

FWIW, I always had sex at the place when I housesat.

I mean, my assumption is that there's no tactful way to ask that, and so we'll just grin and bear it, and assume that there will be sex, and we'll immolate the sheets when we get back.

I think this. I mean, there are a number of things that if I don't KNOW them, I can pretend they don't happen/didn't exist. My denial muscles are very strong.

That said, it's easier to not know if he cleans up, doesn't leave condoms around, changes the sheets, etc. So perhaps Tim could have a word, if you don't think the housesitter is discreet.

I feel like pot is different--(a) because it's illegal and (b) because they're smoking in the house, and stinking it up. (Because of (b) I would have much less issue with someone making pot brownies in my house while I was gone)

Sorry about the must-be-seen-ness of it all, though. Arghh.

This whole thing has been wacky. But I believe I am on the mend.

FWIW, I always had sex at the place when I housesat.

Yep, me too, most of the time. But most likely not in the master bed.

I think I'd buy new pillows on my return, in addition to stripping the sheets and mattress pad. Or I'd take my pet pillow with me to be sure it wasn't used. Because of course I have a pet pillow. Others come and go, but this one is mine, my precious, and not nobody, not nohow sleeps on my pet pillow but me.

Yeah, I don't think you can make that request. If you do, you can pretty much expect it to be ignored, or even flauted, and there might be subtle retribution of some sort. I'd just assume it was going to happen and plastic wrap the mattress ahead of time, use the oldest mattress pad and sheets and the old flat pillows and change everything when you get back. For values of change that include boiling with bleach to ritual fire.

Oh, we were clear about the no smoking pot or anything else in the house. That's not the problem. It's the smoking of it at all, which as may shock you, most conservative Christians who pay my salary and therefore my mortgage might have a problem with. Me personally, I don't have a problem with it, and frankly am happier when my students are only smoking pot and not, you know, doing meth. But as far as conducting illegal activity on my property, yeah, that's gonna be a problem. But again, probably not an enforceable rule for us, since we're talking about not our actual housesitter, but her somewhat out of control, but much more stable than previous, daughter. I mean, we said don't do it. But even if we know she's there and is, what are we going to do, call the police on her? I don't think so. So, I guess we're just letting it go.

And we only have the one winter set of sheets and one summer set of sheets. And I can't afford to change them, so I guess we'll just have to live in happy denial when we get home.

I mean, theoretically, the high school kid that housesat for us before, and the young adult male could have also been sleeping with people in our bed, but given the people involved I think that was less likely.

But as far as conducting illegal activity on my property, yeah, that's gonna be a problem.

Hah. I guess I forget that in the city, people are more likely to be smoking it indoors because it's more discreet. Though this being Seattle, there's every chance you'll walk down the street and sniff and go "Hey, someone's smoking up!"

Yeah, there's not really anyone going to be looking at people smoking on my deck and wondering what they're doing. For, like, miles. I have literally never seen a police officer on my street or any of the surrounding ones, for the entire time I've owned the property.