I was of a perfectly healthy average weight growing up but my mom was constantly harping on weight. She is definitely the kind of mother who would create anorexics or bulemics (my sister later became bulemic. I hated throwing up too much.) I went on my first diet when I was 13 although I was athletic and had a weight in the recommended proportion to my height. My brothers called me "Fatty" because it upset me, not because it was true.

That background (which I think a lot of American women have) made me constantly think about weight and food. In my 30s I started gaining weight, probably because I'd broken my metabolism by dieting so early and so much.

I think this is the real problem with a lot of American women, at least. Food becomes something you constantly think about because we are inundated with messages about our bodies and how desirable or not we may be. If you think about food constantly, you're thinking about food. And of course you feel hungry and crave things. If our culture were less misogynistic and healthier about this sort of thing, it would just be fuel to us. Add on top of it all the general bad health infrastructure that affects both genders in the US (less exercise because we have cars/labor-saving devices/static jobs, HFCS in everything, many years of fat-free foods which substituted sugars for the fat) and anyone has quite a job trying to be healthy in their choices.

Do you not give him toys/treats outside the crate? I just gave up and started picking him up matter-of-factly and putting him in.

In the initial, resistant phase, I do both.

Conditioning-wise, it's better to not have to do the physical portion of the program, but I believe reinforcing the idea that resistance is futile is helpful. As you know, it should never, ever be done out of frustration or in punishment. But, sometimes, a good shove is all that will work.

Try upping the value of the treat inside, and keep that treat especially for the crate. I fed Bboy in the crate for a couple of weeks. Hunger is a great motivator.

It was rough for a few days but, honestly, 9 years later seeing him so happily trot in and knowing we are both getting the rest we need...it was completely worth it.

He only goes in the crate when I leave for work, so it may be a separation thing, too. I should try feeding him in the crate. I may also need to get a bigger crate, really.

Spidra, sing it sistah. You described exactly how I became bulimic, and why I viewed myself as fat, even when I wasn't.

Food becomes something you constantly think about because we are inundated with messages about our bodies and how desirable or not we may be.

Plus, corporate pimping of food 24/7.

Sigh.

I'm smart. I'm capable. And, still, I give in to food cravings.

le Sigh.

It wasn't me, with the embarrassing twitter application of Olbermann-love today on "Countdown", not that I am such a subtle and lady-like flower that I would never do that, although my craving for attention in the wider world is inexplicable to my mother, but I'm so used to speaking in coded references, he'd end up asking his staff to google "candy burden" or something.

I may also need to get a bigger crate, really.

Resist that impulse! The smaller, darker, cooler the space, the better. If he can stand up and turn around, that is all you need. Limiting his range is doing him a favor, no lie.

Make sure your coming and going is a total non-event.

Don't talk to him, feel guilty or respond to any sounds he might make. Stimulating him either going in, or coming out can spin up the anxiety that make separation anxiety so prevalent.

When you open the door, on returning home, don't greet or even look at him until he is calm. THEN he gets the big lovin.'

So often, my clients will totally undermine their crate skills simply by feeling guilty. That's no good for anyone.

Frankie's job is be calm. The crate is an excellent way to help him get promoted!

Yeah, I'm pretty much doing (or not doing) all that. I should probably review with my parents, though. He's fine once he's in, doesn't whine or anything. He just won't go in on his own withhout a gentle but firm nudge.

Seriously, at the Minnesota State Fair, we have 60-70 foods on a stick.

That is one hard-working stick.

That background (which I think a lot of American women have) made me constantly think about weight and food. In my 30s I started gaining weight, probably because I'd broken my metabolism by dieting so early and so much.

I think this is the real problem with a lot of American women, at least. Food becomes something you constantly think about because we are inundated with messages about our bodies and how desirable or not we may be. If you think about food constantly, you're thinking about food. And of course you feel hungry and crave things. If our culture were less misogynistic and healthier about this sort of thing, it would just be fuel to us.

The authors of Intuitive Eating [link] address this issue. Their position is that dieting is rarely successful, and messes up our bodies. Furthermore, there is real damage done by years of eating by external rules - ignoring hunger cues, the diet/binge cycle, etc. messes up a person's ability to take in what the body actually needs. Their strategy is for people to be free to eat whatever they want, as much as they want, whenever they want. After an initial period of possibly making binge-like choices, the element of forbidden fruit goes away so that people can pay attention to their bodies' cues as to when, what and how much to eat. Then gradually, the body will move out of the diet/famine/messed up metabolism danger zone, and into gradually releasing fat in excess of the individual's set point. [link] sums it up.

I've been trying to follow this, as I have reluctantly given up hope of ever finding a way to force any diet to succeed in anything other than me ending up all the fatter afterwards. I despair that nothing I will ever do will earn me the privilege of being skinny. This isn't going to get me skinny. But maybe it will let me stop getting fatter. It's terrifying to allow myself to try to view appetite as anything other than an enemy. And it is hard work to eat as much as my hunger calls for.

Drew, much ~ma for finding out what's going on in your body.

~ma for Perkins, as well.