You know, body image is such a weird, weird thing. I mean, I lost huge amounts of weight and got to the best shape of my life (and felt great for a bit there) only to have it all derailed by the fibroids and severe anemia and subsequent surgery. So I've gained weight that I swore I'd never gain back and I try to tell myself that for a bit there, it was beyond my control. That it was more important for my body to rest and recuperate. So okay-- it took a whole lot longer than I expected. But now, I'm feeling a whole lot better and have embarked on a physical activity regime that's in keeping with my interests and gradually building up my strength and stamina and I'm hoping that eventually, I'll get back in shape, mostly because I know I'll feel better. I can carry weight gracefully up to a certain point and I've passed that point. I'm uncomfortable and feel ungainly.

However-- that said, last week I got cat-called for the first time in years and my dance teacher mentioned in passing that he thought I had a wonderful figure.

::blink blink::

Okay. Of course, the cat-calling was in New York and my dance teacher acknowledges that he's aware that I want to lose the weight as much to get in shape and feel better than for any major aesthetic reasons (well, I DO want to get back into my awesome wardrobe), but still-- what are they seeing that I can't? Because seriously, y'all-- I look in the mirror and I see a heavy, ungainly person.

Like I said: BID=weird.

begins reciting the incantation that banishes the Body Image Demons back to Hell.

No shit, Laga.

::chants louder::

Tep, having that info, I would have no compunctions about calling her out on that, using basically the same words you used earlier.

Really, titling it Fat Chicks and then pulling my personal name into you? @@.

I am a bad influence, because I would so refute that bullshit. Sister needs a cluesticking. I get if you don't want to start a BS thing that will provoke a flamewar or something, but, damn. Want me to go bite her?

Barb, BID's aren't slain easily, but you need spit in its eye a lot, because you are a lovely woman whose instructor thinks she could pursue professional dance. Remember?

Arse 'em all, ladies.

I'm rereading "Karen" for the first time since fifth grade or so. Attitudes toward disabilities in the forties were scary.

I went to the store for coffee and peanut butter and came home with Taco Bell and stuff to make biscuits and gravy for breakfast.

But did you get the coffee and peanut butter?

yes!

Once again my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I wonder if I can make chilaquiles with Taco Bell nachos.

Steph, that woman is clearly insensitive and all get out. It is ALWAYS, to my way of thinking, unacceptable to drift away from 'I' statements and make one's opinions about anyone else.

At the same time, when I read your first post about what she said, I just shook my head thinking, what a twit that woman is, trying to be a 'sister.' "Reclaiming" the language for our sistren, or whatever.

I just wish it didn't hit you so hard. You are a beautiful, giving, brilliant person in every way. You don't deserve to feel hurt by that woman's cluelessness.

(Wow. How many 1950's points do I get for using 'that woman' so many times?)

Spent a lot of time skimming today. And since the BID conversation is current, can I ask where I can get and RMA for the ones I have? I'm not supposed to have any, you see, I'm a guy. Other guys have told me so. I should post the pic of me twenty years ago when I didn't even ask any woman out thinking I was too fat then.

Oh well, at least it gives me a slight insight to the nerve-wracking ones society has foisted upon women.

On the other hand, I am here to post this, as I thought Facebook wasn't good enough to contain this YouTube video of the Grand Rapids Lip-dub of "American pie" by Don McLean.

[link]

Worth the ten minute video, and the pride in humanity is priceless.

BIDs are wily motherfuckers.

A good friend of mine did the weight watchers thang and has gone from an 18 to a 6 over the past year and a bit. And yet...

Here is how the demons get her now -- certain people are FIXATED on her weight loss... co-workers, one supervisor in particular, various relatives, comment on it CONSTANTLY.

Just as before she felt somehow defined as a "fat girl" by those around her she now has these constant "affirmations" that somehow she's a better and stronger person because she lost a bunch of weight. She even gets it at her WW meetings, that its some enormous virtue that she's gotten below her goal weight. People fixate on it, grill her pretty thoroughly at odd times about what she's eating or not and how can THEY do it...

Alternately, some "friends" attribute vanity or haughtnyess to her THAT IS IN THEIR HAIDS and have all but cut her off. Or she says "no thanks" to some offered treat and gets a lecture about "taking it too far"... from people for whom it is in no way conceivable that its their place to do so.

The end result of which is that she's had to struggle with horrible self-doubt over being thin -- which is sometimes as overwhelming as being heavy had been. It's amazingly painful to her that she is every bit as defined by her body in the minds of others as she ever was. She's reluctant to say exactly how many pounds she's lost, what she did to do it. She's having a hard time enough adjusting to her "new" body without the constant commentary from so many of the people around her.

She's also subjected to fat jokes. She should LOVE those now, right? That should be the HEIGHT of hillarity to her. It makes her want to declare (and a few times I believe she has) that she was a fat girl and her heart will always BE a fat girl and that is no way to talk about her people.

She looks so very different. She's finally settling into her new clothes and shape. I want to jump up and down and hug her because she's worked so hard and done so well, but I know it pains her. Sometimes a few of us will mention her cheekbones or how leggy she looks in an outfit but we're careful to never couch it in terms of thinnness or virtue... its all pretty amazing.