I collapsed on to the couch and pretty much passed out. Everything I did today felt like it had more weight and evidently it was enough to exhaust me before the sun went down.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm going to print out today's posts and look at them when I need to be reminded that it's OK to feel the way I feel and it's OK to check out for a little while so I don't drain what little reserves I have left. They're also a very good reminder that people care, and I'm not alone. Sometimes it's easier to get things off my chest with you than with the people in the middle of the shitstorm.

I cannot adequately express what each and every one of you--and the very kind and wise words you wrote--mean to me. I am so lucky I stumbled across this place seven years ago. I also am apologizing in advance for what is sure to be more days like this over the next weeks and months. I wish there was some way to repay you for the love and friendship you've shown.

GC, thank you for the Shanie vids. They were exactly what I needed. Bev is right, he is the antidote to sad.

Ugh, my head is not all there right now.

To those who have experienced this kind of loss and chose to share your experiences today, THANK YOU. You didn't have to, and I can't imagine how hard it was, but it helped so much. You've shown me there are a lot of different ways to deal, and come out the other side, even if the pieces fit together differently at that point.

Maria, I hope you can get some real rest tonight. My best to you, hon.

Get some rest, Maria. I am glad we can be here for you. And you and yours are in my thoughts.

Echoing what Cass and javachick said. Go rest, hon.

Yeah, definitely rest, Maria. And I agree profoundly with the wisdom upstream.

Furthermore, I would like to add that literal curling into a ball is also perfectly acceptable behavior. Behavior in which I indulged Saturday night between sets. I was barely hanging on anyway, and then singing just took the rest of what I had to give, and then the pastor started talking about Japan, and it was just too damn much and I was all sobby and didn't want anyone to see. So I went behind the last stage curtain and laid my cheek on the floor and went fetal. No one saw me. Except my band leader. Who, bless him, totally pretended he didn't. And when I got myself together and walked back out into the greenroom, he drew me into a conversation about his new computer (air), total geek fodder, and a great way to get me back on board with the living world. He knew, and he knew I knew he knew, but he just gently brought me into normalcy. He's awesome. And then I went out for the second set and rocked the mic.

So.

Going fetal? Totally helpful sometimes. Surrounding yourself physically or digitally with awesome people who can help draw you alongside them? Made of win.

You do what you need to do, Maria, and we're all here for you.

I hope you are fast asleep, Maria.

Liese, in an odd way, that is really supercool. That you knew what you needed, and did it, and that he responded so well, and then you kicked ass. Urgh, not sure I'm making sense.

Another one of those nights where I fall right asleep and then wake up (POING!!!) in the wee smalls. Feh. I think I'll go drink some water.

Walking Shanie is wonderful, GC!

Wishing you sleep, Maria.

The Girl has flown out to Houston at short notice - her father had to fly back from Thailand as an emergency and is now having brain scans and all sorts. He has a lot of these health scares, but I don't think that makes it any easier for my Sharon. Mostly, we're just praying he'll still be well enough to come to the wedding. It would be great, after he's agreed to come despite so much resistance in the past.

Am writing. Thousands of words on gospel healing narratives, and as usual I'm sure they're coming from somewhere other than my own head. Oh well - if I'm possessed, it's at least by a spirit that wants me to get a PhD.

Today, for me anyway, is not shaping up to be any better than yesterday was, although this

if I'm possessed, it's at least by a spirit that wants me to get a PhD.

made me smile. I wouldn't mind being possessed by a spirit that wanted me to exercise, because my current one just wants to sit on the couch.

smonster, when are you coming down to New Orleans?

Dropped L. off at Historic Green today, looked bustling! It's a glorious day, too.