This means a thing. And it's hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

Yes, every time I hear someone talk about how superficial and silly internet communities are I feel bad for them because they obviously don't have anything like the buffistas in their lives.

But what if I actually do run away? It's not outside the realm of possibility. Then I'm not only weak, but a disappointment.

Then you'll run away. After that, you'll come back.

All the time I've known you you've gone to considerable lengths to put your family first. It's your instinct. Your instinct to care for them will bring you right back.

This means a thing. And it's hard to explain to people who have not experienced it.

Yeah, it's been interesting explaining it to my therapist. She's fascinated by it, and says that it's wonderful that I have a far-flung support network, she's just a little baffled by the invisible people in the box aspect of it.

Ah, Maria. I'm so sorry. Everyone has put everything I would so well.

Right now you are doing the only thing you can do; coping. It's like stumbling in a darkened room; some people will trip over shit, some will freeze, some will curse, some will curl up in a ball. You'll grope your way to the light switch after you have your individual reaction to the overwhelming dark.

Not wrong in groping and fumbling. It might feel like forever in FINDING the damn thing, but fumble, curse, sit on the floor, take a nap, whatever. You'll find it.

And the next time the light goes out, you'll still fumble, but you'll have a better idea of how you need to go about finding the damn light switch again.

Erin--that was so beautiful and so true.

I think the social workers think I make you up. But I told you how they're idiots, right?

Aw, thanks, Scrappy.

No, erika, we are total delusional fantasies. Isn't your brain AWESOME?!

What if we are all the delusional fantasies of a mad scientist?

If I'm made up in your head, erika, why didn't you make me hotter?

Maria, everyone's been so wise. I just want to offer hugs, and a single piece of practical advice. Whenever you can, relinquish the caretaker role. Let someone else be strong for the others, at least just for a little while. Give yourself permission to just--let go of the responsibility for others' wellbeing. Someone else--cousin, sister, son, will step forward to shoulder that need while you're off-duty. And it will be seamless.

Collectively, you support each other. Individually, you permit others the honor of supporting you.

And yes, this community is what saved me. Twice. Lean on us. We're here.